First aid for the relationship > The spark > 2 tips for the relationship
- How to find love in a relationship with couples therapy?
- How can you fall in love with your partner again with couples therapy?
- How can couples therapy develop vulnerability and openness in the relationship?
- How do you create the spark in the relationship and sex life?
- How do you develop the couple relationship through couples therapy and a few exercises?
- How can 36 questions develop the relationship and love in the relationship?
Free toolbox for the relationship in couples therapy
Below you will find the 2 exercises and 36 questions to ask to fall in love.
The 36 questions can be used both preventively and therapeutically in relation to your couples therapy at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk as well as your own process at home.
This toolbox is also the fifth chapter in the eBook, which you get for free on the journey at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk’s Concept in couple therapy or by purchasing a Couple check.
COUPLES THERAPY IS ABOUT HAPPINESS AND LOVE
Many who seek couples therapy at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen do not only seek couples therapy because there are problems in the relationship. They also seek couples therapy to get a good start on the relationship, to take things in stride, prevent and avoid problems arising. Finally, there is a category of clients who seek couple therapy because they are interested in personal development and a better relationship as well as understanding themselves, the partner, their origins, hopes and dreams.
Regardless of when couples therapy is sought, the goal is often common to everyone. They seek a healthy relationship in a good couple relationship with happiness, love and space for the individual in the community. Below, more about couples therapy at the various phases of the relationship as well as the use of Arthur Aron’s tool with the 36 questions that can ensure the love, spark and falling in love in the relationship.
DIALOGUE, COUPLE THERAPY AND PHASES OF COUPLE RELATIONSHIPS
Dating and couples therapy
It is still a relatively new trend, but more and more couples are seeking psychotherapy, imagotherapy or couple therapy when dating – to get a good start on their relationship. It is firstly important to finish the dating phase properly and to get out of previous relationships completely, as well as to finish processing any grief and lover’s grief. And then, of course, to avoid falling out or overstepping each other’s boundaries in the form of infidelity. Finally, it is relevant to know yourself and understand which partners you are looking for and which partners you actually tend to attract.
For that, imagotherapy for singles is an eminent tool. And if you are already about to start a new relationship, you can take your partner to imago therapy for the same price – for what will then be imago therapy for couples. In this way, you can create a good and safe start and create a first-class relationship – the loving, dynamic and living relationship. There are also many individual clients asking for dating guidance. For example, what to ask and talk about on your date in order to get to know each other better and to get closer to each other. Here, a good tool is the 36 questions. You can read more about that below.
The hamster wheel of the relationship and couples therapy
Since then, most relationships tend to stagnate. Falling in love ends, the spark disappears and the sex life slows down, everyday life sets in and the hamster wheel takes over. Communication and dialogue are no longer as lively. Distance, problems and arguments can arise, or the problems and arguments can be buried in distance and coldness. It can trigger individual psychological and attachment problems or, over time, cause stress, anxiety and depression, create alcohol problems in the relationship, lead to infidelity or lead to divorce – if it is not taken seriously in time.
It may sound negative, but these are the scenarios I see every day as a couples therapist in couple therapy. In other words, the relationship of the third class – couples in stagnation or couples who live separately – ‘separate living’ and ‘miserable married’. Which over time either implodes into sadness/depression or explodes into arguments/divorce. Relationships that can be saved in time with a little dialogue, couples therapy and, for example, the tool with the 36 questions that can bring you closer to each other, create insight and make love rekindle.
Sexological couples therapy
While the problems are ongoing, some argue so that it is loud at the same time as the sex life is terrific. For most, however, the sex life stops soon or later. They end up with ‘separate living’ and avoid talking about the problems, the relationship, love, cohabitation and sex life.
But since most people at some point miss their sex life, there are many who seek sexological talk therapy. However, sexuality can rarely stand alone. The majority also prefer some form of dialogue, closeness, intimacy and vulnerability in connection with sex life. Here, the tool with the 36 questions can be a good supplement. See also the geometry of love tool.
IT SOUNDS CRAZY, BUT THE 36 QUESTIONS CAN MAKE YOU FALL IN LOVE
Couples therapy and dialogue make love grow
Regardless of where you are in your relationship and process, the dialogue is crucial for the relationship, its development and survival. Without dialogue, presence and intimacy, the relationship becomes an institution. Couple therapy is based on the fact that it is dialogue that makes love grow, while dialogue helps us to understand ourselves and each other.
In this way, we will be able to resolve the value conflicts and daily problems that arise in the relationship as well as to build a bridge to a shared future. Next, it is in the deep dialogue that closeness, empathy, togetherness, togetherness and familiarity arise. These are some of the basic parameters in a good relationship and what makes the 36 questions bring you closer to your partner.
Vulnerability, action and couples therapy
But the dialogue does not arise by itself. Neither at home nor in couples therapy. Dialogue, trust and closeness require initiative, curiosity, openness and vulnerability. It’s the same with chemistry. Nor is the chemistry or spark something that is just there or not.
To call couple therapy, the couple relationship or love chemistry is roughly the same as generalising, mystifying and abdicating responsibility. The responsibility for how to interpret, communicate and relate to each other. How one perceives and thinks, which states and feelings one creates as well as which attitude, communication and behavior one displays and what one does to get one’s wishes fulfilled. The tool with the 36 questions, including couples therapy, is an opportunity to consciously take an initiative and to create something good together in the relationship.
Chemistry, psychotherapy and couples therapy
Chemistry is therefore something we create together via a co-creative process and in the common field, where both parties bring their origin, energy, communication and performance. In the same way, love is not a feeling either – about so many feelings, compassion and what we do with those feelings. Love is really a desire and an action. A desire for the partner’s happiness and an action aimed at making the partner happy. Compassion is about interest, understanding, patience, inclusiveness and benevolence in relation to the partner’s psychology, character traits, contact patterns, attachment problems and pain, incl. weaknesses, shortcomings and mistakes.
So where love aims at the partner’s happiness, compassion aims at a desire to support the partner in finding a way out of the pain. Couple therapy is thus not just couple therapy, but a form of relational and systemic psychotherapy, where the psychology of the individual and the couple is worked on holistically and in turn, with a view to happiness and healing. However, couples therapy rarely does it alone. You yourself need to create the change yourself. Therefore, the 36 questions that made experimental couples fall in love and get married six months after the experiment can be a good supplement to recreate and develop love and compassion.
HERE ARE THE 36 QUESTIONS YOU MUST ASK TO FALL IN LOVE
Arthur Aron’s 36 questions for closeness, falling in love and love
Love is thus created on the basis of dialogue and action. It is rare that we are just struck by lightning and suddenly fall in love. It is more of a dialogical and co-creative process where both parties have a role and a responsibility. Among other things. to know themselves and each other and to maintain attraction and attachment so that the relationship can work.
Arthur Aron’s research behind the 2 exercises and 36 questions
Some of the things you can talk about are character, mind, past, upbringing, family, previous relationships, beliefs, values, dreams and goals. It also includes sharing about oneself, about one’s attitude towards the relationship, approach to life and reactions to the partner. It is important to ask questions about each other and to listen, because it shows interest and brings you closer to your partner’s and your own personality. Based on psychologist Arthur Aron’s research, 2 exercises and 36 questions have been developed for you to ask each other. See also the tool the 7 golden rules for 2 living together.
Download the 36 questions and rediscover the spark, infatuation and love
The exercises and the 36 questions incl. a number of other tools, personality tests, relationship tests and the five languages of love can be found on Parterapi-parterapeut.dk’s website under Relationship tests. If your partner is not Danish-speaking, the 36 questions can be found on the page for couple therapy in English. Enjoy!
By Parterapi-parterapeut.dk
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You can read more about the effective concept in couple therapy and couple therapy in English.
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Tips for the relationship and love
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