- Relational treatment of stressful load reactions, anxiety and depression
- Evidence for couple therapy as relationship-oriented psychological treatment
- Stress often precedes anxiety, which often precedes depression
- It is better, easier, cheaper and less painful to prevent than to treat
The relationship heals ©
Most clients who come to Parterapi-parterapeut.dk suffer to one degree or another from stressful load reactions, anxiety and/or depression or are at risk of it. This applies regardless of whether they come for couple therapy or individual psychological treatment. The relationship is a stage where inappropriate patterns, old wounds and present-day stresses can play out or arise as well as be prevented and healed. And since it is always better to prevent, it is never a shame to seek help.
Why seek couples therapy and relationship-oriented psychological treatment?
However, it is not always that the inquiry initially concerns stress, anxiety or depression. Most come immediately with an occupational psychological problem, more diffuse problems and symptoms or because of relational and marital problems.
Some have work-related problems which make it difficult for them to function in their relationship. Others have relationship problems which make it difficult for them to get along and concentrate on work, to sleep at night or they seek refuge in e.g. sports, sugar, food, alcohol or adultery.
It is not uncommon for one of the parties to be on sick leave, if the other has not been, or if both of them are at the same time. Many have waited too long to take sick leave and those who take sick leave often feel pressured to start work too soon. Some may also be on sick leave due to incidents at work, e.g. in connection with harassment, bullying, assault and robbery. As more and more people are deployed through the armed forces and other organizations to areas of crisis and war, more and more clients with PTSD also come to Parterapi-parterapeut.dk.
Stress => Angst => Depression
Most often, both the causes and the problems go hand in hand. Many times the health and work load is so great that it also affects the psyche, private life and the relationship – or vice versa. At the same time, recent research shows that stress, anxiety and depression go hand in hand. Many times, a stressful load reaction precedes anxiety and then depression. In addition, 60-70% of clients suffer from both anxiety and depression.
It is not unnatural. Many are not used to feeling themselves and talking about their feelings (see below about communication and closeness). For example, they have been told that it is not ok or they have learned to suppress their feelings – depression – to depress your feelings. For example, because the feelings were forbidden, wrong, too great or opposite. This in itself can lead to stress, anxiety and depression. But the relationship itself also contains sources of, for example, stress, anxiety, grief and depression.
What is stress – definition
Stress is therefore emotions. Some define stress as a feeling of being challenged or overwhelmed. On the same level as depression can be defined as a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. According to Karasek and Theorell (1900), stress is more practically defined as an inappropriate imbalance between demands and control. Furthermore, stress is more psychologically defined by Richard S. Lazarus (1966, 1984, 1991 and 1994), as an inappropriate imbalance between perceived challenges and perceived resources.
Other definitions that I also recognize are that stress is: ‘Trying to do several things at once’; ‘Lack of overview’; ‘Focus, breathing and things you say to yourself’ and ‘Lack of communication, closeness, flexibility and closeness.’ In the following TED video you will find a simple explanation of stress as well as the more complicated connection between psyche, brain, body, hormones and disease: http://ed.ted.com/lessons/how-stress-affects-your-body-sharon -horesh-bergquist
Issues in relation to the relationship
The relationship itself is an overlooked strain and a source of stress, anxiety and depression, as deep strings and psychological themes are often tackled when there are problems in the relationship. One of these can be, for example, old attachment traumas and more current attachment problems incl. the fear of losing, the fear of being rejected or the fear of being suffocated/swallowed incl. the fear of giving up oneself. Anxiety in itself is shameful and taboo at the same time that both stress, anxiety and depression are often unrecognized or completely suppressed challenges in the relationship.
What about the other factors and the relative?
The focus is often on the person affected by stress, anxiety or depression and on the disorder itself. But there are a large number of individual conditions that also make the disorder itself a disorder. For example, demands, goals, ambitions, expectations, perfectionism, guilt and shame – can help make it worse or make it feel worse.
An overlooked factor is also the partner, the relationship, the children and the family. Typically, it is the case that when just one person in the system suffers, the whole system suffers. It is therefore important that the partner, children and family also get help. Partly in relation to the aforementioned conditions, but many times also in relation to other emotions such as sadness, anger and anxiety (anxiety about the anxiety/disease) – which can both arise around the disorder, oneself, relationships, work and the treatment system.
Another overlooked factor is the often very subtle and unconscious dysfunctional patterns that can arise around illnesses and in the relationship as well as the family. Some of these patterns are known, for example, as codependency. Codependency is neither a diagnosis nor a mysterious illness. Codependency is often simply about someone taking on too much or inappropriate responsibility in the name of love. Responsibility is thus, along with recognition, guilt and shame, important topics in couple therapy.
Resources in relation to the relationship
But conversely, the couple relationship and couple therapy / family therapy, cf. evidence from own couple therapy practice as well as several other sources (Professor and psychiatrist Julian Leff’s research; Psychologist Allan Holmgren; Cordova and Gee 2001; Gupta, Coyne and Beach 2003; Beach and Gupta, 2005; Barbato and d’Avanzo 2008; Gilliam and Cottone 2005 ), one of the most effective forms of treatment within stressful load reactions, anxiety and depression.
For Parterapi-parterapeut.dk there is therefore no difference, as couples therapy is holistic and takes care of both the psychological, relational and possibly sexual problems – which typically arise as a result of relationship problems or due to medication. There is therefore also no need for the parties to undergo individual psychological treatment elsewhere. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk supports the clients in whatever topics they bring up and in whatever order is relevant to the clients.
The most important thing is to recognise, prevent and treat the stressful stress response, the anxiety and the depression as early as possible and as quickly as possible, so that it does not develop and become more demanding of treatment or develop into other problems. It is therefore Parterapi-parterapeut.dk’s mission to assist you in processing the relationship, personal and professional psychological challenges, so that resources and coping skills are developed and transferred between the areas of life. In this way, they can support each other while avoiding the risk of conflict. Thus, the psychological work supports the psyche at the same time that the couples therapy supports the relationship and vice versa.
Communication – Problem solving – Proximity – Flexibility
There is no single answer or single treatment, but in addition to healing the relationship, there are four factors that are good to focus on in the relationship. The four factors are communication, problem solving, proximity and flexibility. These are factors you can develop and train in couples therapy and use at home.
Evidence for and more about couples therapy
The above is supported by evidence from own couple therapy practice as well as e.g. latest statements and research from doctor, associate professor and senior researcher Kaj Sparle Christensen from the Research Unit for General Practice at the Department of Public Health at Aarhus University; Professor MD Poul Videbech from Psychiatric Center Glostrup and anxiety researcher Mia Skytte O’Toole from the Department of Psychology at Aarhus University (POL 20150622 Anxiety is all too often overshadowed by depression). You can read more about stress, anxiety and depression at:
www.parterapi-parterapeut.dk/depression_parterapi-parterapeut.html
Here you will also find more information about couple therapy and relationship-oriented treatment of stressful load reactions, anxiety and depression, as well as free relationship tests and depression tests.
You can also read more about couple therapy and family therapy at:
www.parterapi-parterapeut.dk
www.parterapi-parterapeut.dk/familieterapi_familieterapeut_parterpi-parterapeut.html
And topics such as alcohol, adultery and divorce:
www.parterapi-parterapeut.dk/alkoholbehandling_parterapi-parterapeut.html
www.parterapi-parterapeut.dk/utroskab_parterapi-parterapeut.html
www.parterapi-parterapeut.dk/separation-skilsmisse.html
What now
You can read more about couple therapy at www.parterapi-partterapeut.dk.
Or book a consultation appointment for a couple check-up, couple therapy or couple counselling, on tel. 6166 1900.
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