- Alcohol, relationships, family and relationships
- Adult children of alcoholics in relationships
- Pain, psychological pain and self-medication
- Free relationship-oriented alcohol test
For whom is alcohol a problem?
As a family and couple therapist, I meet families and couples with alcohol problems every day in my practice. Very few of them are addicted or have an actual addiction. At the same time, very few of them are aware of how much they actually drink and how little it takes for it to become a problem for them or because it may already be problematic for their relatives, family, partner and children.
Since Danes statistically drink a lot of alcohol at the same time that alcohol consumption is often derived from or in itself creates problems in the family and the couple relationship, statistically there are also many clients in family and couples therapy who have some degree of alcohol problems – also although it may not be the center of the therapy.
Here you can read more about alcohol, relationships and relationships.
At the bottom you will also find a free relationship-oriented alcohol test.
Alcohol problems in family and couple therapy
Alcohol is often a topic in family and couple therapy because:
- We are rarely aware of how much we drink and the health risk limits*.
- When alcohol consumption increases, it often happens gradually, unconsciously and unnoticed.
- It doesn’t take much alcohol before we change character and that it goes beyond the contact, the atmosphere, the security and the relationship – albeit briefly, alcohol is a pleasure for the drinker, and for those close to us it often creates insecurity and insecurity.
- Family and relationship problems often lead to more frequent and greater alcohol consumption, just as alcohol often causes relational problems – which can be difficult to sort out and talk about unless you seek professional family and couple therapy.
- Emotional and relational pain can arise in connection with unloving and unconstructive criticism as well as rejection, loss and feelings of abandonment, incl. grief, guilt, shame and anger. It can be diverted by abusive behavior or soothed by drugs of abuse (see below).
- Even with a small consumption of alcohol, very subtle and unconscious dysfunctional patterns quickly arise in the family and the relationship – co-dependency.
- Even with a little alcohol in the blood, many arguments, fights, accidents, injuries occur every year…
Alcohol and statistics
- All Danes over the age of 14 drink an average of 11.1 liters of pure alcohol per year**.
- Statistically, 24.3% of all Danes over the age of 15 drink above the low-risk limit and 10.6% above the high-risk limit – children are quick learners**.
- Today there are 122,000 children who grow up in families with alcohol problems – many of these develop alcohol problems themselves or emotional, attachment and relational problems in their own relationships and families (even if they do not drink) – this is called co-dependency, adult children of alcoholics or adult children of alcoholics (ACA)**.
- Alcohol is a mood-regulating and addictive solvent that destroys the body, sleep and recovery.
- Alcohol can increase the risk of future and worsen current stressful, depressive and anxious conditions.
*7-14 items/week for women and 14-21 for men and at the same time it poses a health risk, for example drinking more than 5 items at a time**.
**The Danish Health Authority.
Alcohol problems are treated relationally
Since the problems arise in the relationship, they are also best treated in the relationship through family and couples therapy. It is thus not the alcohol or the drinker that is the problem or the focus of couples therapy. It is the dynamics, the relationship, the field, the system and the process that are in focus. The experience is that the alcohol problems subside as soon as the couple, the family and the system are relieved and that the relationships improve and love flows freely.
New knowledge about alcohol problems shows precisely that the primary relationships (the couple and the family) and the safe and loving base they form are the most important source of prevention and healing. Otherwise, if there are problems in the relationship and the family, then this constitutes the biggest source and risk of alcohol problems and addiction. Relational psychological treatment in the form of family and couple therapy is thus the central focal point in alcohol treatment. You can hear more about this in the following TED video by Johann Hari:
www.ted.com/talks/johann_hari_everything_you_think_you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong
As a psychotherapist specializing in couple therapy and over 10 years of experience with alcohol treatment, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk offers couple therapy and relationship-oriented psychological alcohol treatment. By combining this knowledge and experience with your own expertise about yourself and your own life, we can create the optimal process together.
Couples therapy for adult children of alcoholics in relationships
The children who, as above, grow up in families with alcohol are themselves at risk of repeating some of the relational problems, of having alcohol problems themselves and of marrying an addict or another adult child of an alcoholic. It constitutes a vulnerability and risk for relationship problems, and the relationship problems simultaneously constitute a risk for abusive behaviour, addictive behavior and co-dependent behaviour. This also applies even if there is little or no alcohol in the relationship. You can also read more about this in the book Fighting for closeness by Janet G. Woititz.
Parterapi-parterapeut.dk’s focus has been the system incl. the dependent as well as the co-dependent. Including a special fondness for helping adult children of alcoholics to psychological health, appropriate behaviour, secure relationships and quality of life. If you are therefore yourself or you are married to an adult child of an alcoholic and are experiencing relationship problems and have difficulty finding qualified professional psychological help, you are very welcome to call or write to Parterapi-parterapeut.dk via the website.
Read more about the consequences of alcohol on the children in the family and the adult child of alcoholics in a relationship: www.parterapi-parterapeut.dk/voksen-barn-af-alkoholikere-i-parforhed.html
Free alcohol test
If you are in doubt as to whether your alcohol consumption is a problem in your family and your relationship or for yourself, you can download Parterapi-parterapeut.dk’s free AlkoholTest©. And if you want a consultation, you are welcome to call for telephone clarification and booking.
What now
You can read more about couple therapy at www.parterapi-partterapeut.dk.
And relationship-oriented psychological alcohol treatment at:
www.parterapi-parterapeut.dk/alkoholbehandling_parterapi-parterapeut.html.
Or book a consultation appointment on tel. 6166 1900.
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