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Every fifth Copenhagener drinks too much.
Are there alcohol problems in your relationship? Is your or your partner’s alcohol consumption problematic? Or do you both drink too much?
In principle, it is not about how much is drunk. It’s more a question of whether it’s a problem?
Parterapi-parterapeut.dk meets clients with relational alcohol problems on a daily basis.
Some enjoy themselves too much with alcohol. Others soothe relationship problems and pain or loneliness and boredom with alcohol. Some medicate themselves in relation to e.g. stress, anxiety, depression or grief .
However, very few have become alcoholics. But there are surprisingly few who actually know how much they drink and how little it takes for it to pose a risk to themselves or a problem for their relatives.
Becoming addicted to alcohol is a smooth transition. So for many it is good to keep a close eye on consumption and consequences. Alcohol is both a stimulant and a solvent.
You decide how much you want to drink. If you are in doubt as to whether you drink too much, you can also find a free alcohol test in the menu under Relationship test.
Too much alcohol creates a negative spiral that affects the partner, the family and the children.
At the same time, there is a risk of consequential damage, addiction and inappropriate patterns in relationships.
It is usually not the alcohol, or the drinker, that is the focus of couples therapy.
Couples therapy for alcohol problems is not about appointing scapegoats. It is uncertainty, anxiety, pain, sadness, frustration and anger as well as loneliness, longing, love and dialogue that are in focus. And it is the relationship that is being treated.
In couples therapy, the alcohol problems are secondary, even though it may be the alcohol that is being talked about. It is about the relationship, the system, the dynamics and the process.
The old wounds, the current problems and the unfulfilled dreams are the primary thing. It is about love and contact as well as good communication and effective problem solving.
Love is the carrying and healing force. The contact is the bridge over which communication runs and communication is the basis for effective problem solving.
Parterapi-parterapeut.dk helps you to gradually talk out and resolve the problems. At the same time as your wounds and relationship heal and the pain decreases.
Over time, you learn to be authentically present, communicate assertively and solve problems in contact with those you love. Without losing yourselves or offending each other.
It is about trust, openness, tenderness and honesty. It’s rarely what we say that kills us. It is more often what we don’t say that creates the problems in the relationship.
It is important that the couple is included in the treatment, as it as a system supports and promotes the process at the same time that obstacles, pitfalls and the unsaid can be picked up.
In relation to alcohol problems and relationship problems, alcohol cf. the grant study the single biggest cause of divorce.
In addition, it is estimated that for each alcohol abuser there are approx. four people who are negatively affected psychologically and socially by alcohol abuse – partner, children, family, close friends, etc
It is not entirely clear whether it is the relationship problems or the alcohol problems that come first. But alcohol problems always lead to problems in the relationship.
Alcohol problems and relationship problems are closer to the norm than the deviation. And many times the alcohol problems and relationship problems bite each other in the tail.
Fortunately, it is thus that relationship problems and alcohol problems are best treated together and through relational psychological treatment, such as couples therapy.
A therapeutic process for couples therapy for alcohol problems in the relationship takes place as follows:
Depending on the need and the specific situation, a course can be supplemented with maintaining, developing and preventive imagotherapy and access bars .
It can also be combined with psychotherapy, yoga therapy, treatment of stress, anxiety, depression and grief, therapy for adult-child of alcoholics and family therapy.
Since many couples with alcohol problems also have challenges with closeness and intimacy or infidelity, there is also the option of supplementing with sexological talk therapy.
There is a certain connection between alcohol, upbringing and personality disorders.
According to developmental psychological theories, the risk of developing a personality disorder is greatest if you have not received the right care early on. It is at that time that as a child you have to learn to cope without the deep dependence on the parents.
If development goes awry in this phase, one does not sufficiently learn to be separate from others. Therefore, many continue to form relationships with other people, such as are symbiotic, withdrawn or disturbed.
It is one of several reasons why one can develop an emotionally unstable personality disorder (impulsive type or borderline type).
If someone in your family has an emotionally unstable personality disorder or suffers from depression, you have a greater risk of developing a personality disorder yourself.
Another explanation could be that you had an unstable childhood, where your parents e.g. have been drinking or that for other reasons you have been left to fend for yourself.
You may also have been exposed to physical or sexual abuse.
With a personality disorder, you also have a greater risk of developing addictions, alcohol abuse or depression yourself over time. Regardless of diagnosis or not and degree of severity, it is important that one takes these issues seriously and seeks psychological prevention or treatment.
In Denmark, it is everyone’s freedom to drink as much as they want and alcohol is an essential part of our culture and paradigms in society, the family and the relationship.
It is also common to use alcohol in the family and the relationship when we need to de-stress, have fun and party. As well as at traditions and holidays.
Alcohol can also be used to soothe pain and problems from the family and the relationship. Just as alcohol can cause or intensify problems and pain in the family and the relationship.
There is a lot of talk about alcohol, but relational alcohol problems are typically a taboo. It’s a shame, but it’s not a shame to have a problem. It’s a shame not to do something about it. Regardless of whether the starting point is the relationship or the alcohol.
Our paradigms, relationship paradigms and alcohol paradigms are part of the unconscious mind.
Since it is therefore difficult to figure out, talk about, prevent and treat these problems themselves, many seek help from a couples therapist with experience in the mind, relationships and alcohol problems – to loosen up and to move on.
Some habits such as alcohol habits and alcohol addiction can really be firmly rooted and deeply rooted in the paradigms – the mind. It may therefore require a mind-shift and reprogramming of the specific paradigms. Read more about it under mindset coaching .
Statistically speaking, a lot of alcohol is drunk in Denmark, and since for many there is a connection between their relationship problems and alcohol consumption, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk meets clients with relational alcohol problems on a daily basis.
However, very few people have become alcoholics, but surprisingly few actually know how much they drink and how little it takes for it to pose a risk to themselves or a problem for their relatives.
Relational problems in themselves cause stress and pain. Emotional pain can i.a. arise in connection with criticism, infringement, failure and loss as well as feelings such as:
Family and relationship problems can lead to increased alcohol consumption. Likewise, alcohol consumption can create and maintain relational problems.
As it often happens gradually and unconsciously, it unfortunately takes a long time before the problems are recognised, expressed and dealt with. But it’s never too late to seek therapy.
According to Dr. Gabor Maté is all drugs of abuse, whether opiates, cocaine, hashish or alcohol – painkillers.
Alcohol and the behavior that consumption entails can therefore be equated with painkillers and drinking can be equated with self-medication.
The pain we try to medicate ourselves against can be physical as well as psychological, relational and attachment-related.
There is no difference.The pain is experienced in the same part of the brain.So when we feel emotional and relational pain, the same parts of the brain as in physical pain will be activated.
Some of the types of pain we regularly encounter in family and relationship contexts are when we feel hurt, alone, rejected, isolated and without support, compassion and love.
It also includes the situations where we suffer loss and deprivation. As well as when we don’t feel seen, heard, recognized and accepted. Often difficult emotions such as guilt, shame, sadness and anger are involved. Alcohol and anger in particular go hand in hand.
The pain can come from boundary violations, old wounds and attachment traumas. New pain as well as reactivated pain (re-traumatization) – past emotional wounds that are scratched open and old behavioral patterns that are reactivated.
It explains the pain, sorrow and anger, as well as joy and healing, that the relationship and the family can be a source of.
Family therapy and couple therapy provide opportunities for responsiveness, openness, clarification and recognition as well as problem solving, healing, development, change, growth and joy.
When the underlying causes are removed, the underlying causes of alcohol consumption disappear. As the consumption decreases, the new relationships and the new life can be created with the support of the therapist.
Alcohol is an effective solution, while at the same time alcohol has the special property of making us indifferent for a while.
In this way, everyday life and problems come at a distance. The problem is simply that alcohol has many and serious side effects, while solving problems with alcohol often backfires.
Alcohol is an addictive and chemical solvent.
One claim is that alcohol is the world’s strongest solvent when you look at it in an overall perspective.
In addition to the fact that alcohol can dissolve our body and health. Then alcohol can dissolve relationships, work, finances, house, home, family, children and friendships.
When we become indifferent and drugged by alcohol, risk-taking and risk also increase. Therefore, alcohol is often seen in connection with accidents and adultery.
Therefore, it is better to process the problems psychotherapeutically through family and couple therapy than to soothe the pain with alcohol and other drugs as well as food, sweets, tobacco, medicine, games, the Internet, sports, work, sex and adultery.
There is a certain connection between alcohol, upbringing and personality disorders.
According to developmental psychological theories, the risk of developing a personality disorder is greatest if you have not received the right care early on. It is at that time that as a child you have to learn to cope without the deep dependence on the parents.
If development goes awry in this phase, one does not sufficiently learn to be separate from others. Therefore, many continue to form relationships with other people, such as are symbiotic, withdrawn or disturbed.
It is one of several reasons why one can develop an emotionally unstable personality disorder (impulsive type or borderline type).
If someone in your family has an emotionally unstable personality disorder or suffers from depression, you have a greater risk of developing a personality disorder yourself.
Another explanation could be that you had an unstable childhood, where your parents e.g. have been drinking or that for other reasons you have been left to fend for yourself.
You may also have been exposed to physical or sexual abuse.
With a personality disorder, you also have a greater risk of developing addictions, alcohol abuse or depression yourself over time.
Regardless of diagnosis (or not) and degree of severity, it is important that you take these issues seriously and seek psychological treatment and prevention .
For some, the alcohol takes up more than the relational problems and sometimes a psychological or physical addiction may also have arisen.
Here, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk draws on many years of experience as a professional alcohol therapist and treats adult-children of alcoholics from, among others, Blue Cross, Tuba, the Chain and social psychiatry.
Alcohol is also seen in connection with stress, anxiety and depression.
In that case, supplementary individual interviews can be offered – lifestyle interviews, psychotherapy or actual alcohol treatment.
You therefore do not need to go from therapist to therapist, but can find the entire solution at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk. Whether it is actual alcohol treatment, individual psychotherapy, couples therapy or family therapy that is needed.
Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen offers as an examined RYT 200 Yoga Teacher in India both yoga, couple yoga, yoga therapy, meditation, nidra and pranayama.
Yoga and meditation are both healthy for the body, psyche and mind.
Yoga has many positive properties in addition to helping to get down in the body, relieve stress, create balance, flow and self-regulation.
With yoga, you can thus, alone or together with your partner, achieve well-being and reduce psychological pain and the urge to drink.
You can have yoga separately, with your partner and as part of the therapy.