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Articles on: Infidelity • Crisis • Stabilization • Development
Infidelity shakes you to your core and questions everything.
The different areas of life are connected and it is like a butterfly flapping its wings in China. It creates a storm and affects everything from sleep, body, identity, relationships, sex life, family, work, finances to… But I am at home and an expert in chaos and crisis.
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In the context of infidelity, it can be difficult to see the forest for the trees. It can be very difficult to find calm, stabilization and overview when everything is chaos and the mind is in turmoil.
Many have thoughts, pressure to speak, mood swings, mixed emotions and physical reactions, as well as difficulty eating, sleeping and getting down in the body.
It is my experience that there is something important about adultery that you do not see, hear, talk about, arrange and learn. Infidelity is often an expression of a challenge with appropriate and conscious self-regulation.
It requires observation, psychological communication and process support from an impartial and neutral third party in the form of a good and experienced couples therapist.
Through couples therapy, you get help to, in an appropriate way, express, share, contain and process your feelings, thoughts and questions about the infidelity. In addition, you can use couples therapy to create clarity about the situation, your future and how you will move forward – together or separately.
Expressing the feelings about the infidelity does not remove them, but it relieves, heals and creates a base and prevents you from making drastic and hasty decisions such as divorce or reunification while you are in the throes of emotions.
Divorce is rarely a solution in itself. But if you are going to divorce, you must know why. If you stay together, you must also know why.
Regardless, infidelity and thoughts of divorce are a welcome opportunity to give the relationship an overhaul. Why are we together? What do we want to create together? And how do we want to be together?
It is, among other things, these confronting and existential questions, which couples therapy around infidelity supports you in finding answers to.
Couples therapy for infidelity is a process of reorganization and self-regulation in the new community. And a journey through the four phases of the crisis – shock, reaction, processing and reorientation
There are many other processes of adultery. They run both between each other and in parallel – at the same time. For example grief, forgiveness and sexuality . Therefore, it is a good idea to have process support.
Postpone all important decisions in the first weeks and as long as you are in crisis.
Ride out the storm and try to accept that the feelings and that this reaction phase is something that has to be lived through. Take turns listening and letting each other speak. Allow space for feelings and reactions in a respectful way.
Through couple therapy, you will have the opportunity to learn gentle and effective methods for this. So you get the infidelity processed and at the same time avoid offending yourselves and each other in turn.
The process surrounding adultery is very different and depends on the couple. This also applies to the parties’ individual processes surrounding the adultery. The parties’ individual processes can also have different courses in relation to each other.
It is also different where in the process a couple chooses to contact Parterapi-parterapeut.dk for consultation. It is different what the couple specifically wants to work on regarding the infidelity, and what specific help is desired regarding the infidelity.
Common is that the meeting takes place where you are. In the eye of the hurricane. There we talk about what you bring up. The method is help for self-help. To make it clear, the overall process includes three phases©:
Infidelity is for most people a violent and chaotic crisis, which shakes their paradigms about themselves, partner, relationship, sexuality, fidelity and future.
You can read more about this above and under the three phases – from crisis to stabilization and development.
Many, however, get far with a short course of six times. Some even with just two to four times couples therapy at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk. Especially if they are prepared, dedicated and goal-oriented.
When infidelity occurs, it typically puts an end to everything that was. In the case of infidelity, it’s like one door is closed and another can be opened – if you go through the infidelity together with couples therapy.
Now it is a question of handling the crisis and cleaning it up. Both parties need it, no matter what. It is best to do it together in couples therapy, so that you can talk and heal at the same time.
Along the way, you can decide whether you want to continue together, separate or investigate the possibility of reunification. If you continue together, there is an opportunity to create a new and better relationship. In principle, this will be a paradigm shift.
The crisis can take as long or longer than the infidelity and what was up to it. A rule of thumb in the industry is two years. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk rarely experiences that long it takes. Here it typically looks very different, already after three weeks or three months.
Then you can take stock and take a stand. Is that it, is there more or do you want to separate. Most at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk already land within or after three months. And many take the time to finish the job properly, shake the bag and create what they really want with another three months.
Over time, there is typically longer time between consultations. Two three-month milestones are good to aim for and take stock from.
Get over the infidelity & its consequences
Some skip over where the fence is lowest and do not seek couples therapy for infidelity.
Others just have to try for themselves and wait too long to seek couples therapy for infidelity.
Some believe that they can themselves and are satisfied with what they cannot see for themselves and quickly turn to what is not good enough.
Others again ignore their signals or shut down because they, for example, blames himself or hopes that the best will happen by itself.
In all cases, there is a risk that you will not get the adultery properly treated and will then have to seek couples therapy. Perhaps because infidelity has occurred again.
There are thus many couples where the infidelity has not been fully dealt with, forgotten and swept under the carpet. It gives rise to many other problems in the relationship or that the other party subsequently also commits adultery. But it is not always that it is 1-1.
Are you in doubt as to whether you are over the infidelity or whether you have finished dealing with your infidelity? Then you can ask yourself the following questions:
If you can answer yes to one or more of these questions, there may still be good reason to seek couples therapy about infidelity. If nothing else to talk things out, check the relationship, prevent and ensure an even better future.
For some couples, there is a high risk of infidelity already at the start of the relationship. Because one of the parties is still in a dating phase, has difficulty rejecting the other suitors, had several at once in a kind of open relationship or because they have become dating or chat addicts.
Other foot mistakes in this phase are that you don’t know each other and have to set the necessary boundaries from the start.
Otherwise, the first time adultery typically occurs is just before moving in and getting married or immediately after a year of marriage. Next, there is a high risk of infidelity, immediately after the first child is born.
Since then it has been at the five-seven-year crisis. And later infidelity can occur in connection with the midlife crisis, middle age, the silver bride couple crisis and when the children leave the nest. Other risks can be alcohol, alcohol problems, overtime, staggered working hours, course and travel activities.
Infidelity can occur in any relationship. Even in those relationships where everything is good. You can read much more about infidelity below, under the three phases of the infidelity crisis and on the blog.
It offers, among other things, party check, individual consultations, short and preventive courses.
For those facing a current and treatment-requiring infidelity crisis, acute intensive courses in couple therapy and sexological conversation therapy are offered. Incl. crisis, grief, communication, forgiveness, trust, reconciliation and reorientation.
Couples where infidelity has deep roots are offered longer and more in-depth courses, healing and preventive courses in imagotherapy as well as follow-up interviews
Those who have not previously had their infidelity processed properly or who have previously been in a too short or interrupted process elsewhere, and who wish to have the infidelity processed further and completed, are offered targeted couple therapy around their specific issues
And those couples who are at risk of or have made current mistakes and relapses are offered urgent talks or small intensive courses, such as prevention or after-treatment.
Kasper Larsen, mba
Examined psychotherapist
Certified in imago and couple therapy
Expert in infidelity for more than 15 years
Special training in sexuality, crisis and grief
Couples therapy in Danish and English
Supported in Swedish, Norwegian, German and French
Couples with clip cards for couple therapy in case of infidelity, are also offered free tests, tools, articles and eBooks.
These are all supplementary dialogue tools. As a starting point, the couple has plenty to talk about and work with, and the couples therapist already has a lot of experience and a toolbox.
You thus and automatically get what is relevant about the infidelity, when you are ready and it is relevant.
In order to maintain your changes, it is important to make visible and anchor the results of the process and to prevent new crises and infidelity through dialogue and action.
Therefore, it is also good to invest in a notebook for notes about the process, work items, decisions, agreements, goals, questions, results, etc.
Kasper Larsen, mba
Examined psychotherapist
Certified in imago and couple therapy
Expert in infidelity for more than 15 years
Special training in sexuality, crisis and grief
Couples therapy in Danish and English
Supported in Swedish, Norwegian, German and French
Above, you have read about couple therapy for infidelity and the three overall phases in the infidelity process, which you must go through in order to successfully come out on the other side of the infidelity crisis.
On the blog you will find a number of free articles and tools about infidelity that can be good to read and use in connection with couple therapy for infidelity at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk.
What are the signs of infidelity?
How does infidelity occur and is there even a formula for infidelity?
What are the six primary causes of infidelity?
The diagnosis and anatomy of adultery
The two main and three underlying factors of infidelity?
Should I say that I have committed adultery?
What are the consequences of adultery?
How to heal the pain after infidelity?
How to move forward together with couples therapy after infidelity
Free guide to getting over infidelity
Avoid infidelity and end the old relationship before a new one
Trust, confidence, mistrust and infidelity
Relationships, finances, lies and infidelity
Emotions and ditital infidelity
Addiction and digital infidelity
Kasper Larsen, mba
Examined psychotherapist
Certified in imago and couple therapy
Expert in infidelity for more than 15 years
Special training in sexuality, crisis and grief
Couples therapy in Danish and English
Supported in Swedish, Norwegian, German and French
Read more about adultery:
Kasper Larsen, mba
Examined psychotherapist
Certified in imago and couple therapy
Expert in infidelity for more than 15 years
Special training in sexuality, crisis and grief
Couples therapy in Danish and English
Supported in Swedish, Norwegian, German and French