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The greatest sorrow is losing a loved one.
Get the strength to overcome your grief and regain the joy of life.
As a relational grief therapist, I can give you the strength to say goodbye and let go of your loss. Without you having to fail or forget the one you have lost. You get tools to come to terms with death and life. At the same time, you learn to reinvest your energy, love and joy in life.
You get support to accommodate and handle the difficult tasks and emotions that many experience when bereavement.
The feeling of grief is always relational. But the depth and complexity is completely individual. Therefore, many find that they are alone with a grief that their loved ones find it difficult to understand and embrace. At the same time, grief work is a process that must be actively and provenly lived through and processed.
The grieving process and reactions are very individual. There can be many powerful, opposing and forbidden thoughts and feelings. Many different phenomena, reactions and behavioral changes can occur. Ranging from laughing, crying, anger, insomnia and reduced immune system. For alcohol, abuse, promiscuity and adultery . And it can be quiet, violent or changing.
Time does not heal all wounds. Sorgen contains four tasks that must be actively solved. The grieving process is a journey of transformation that does not proceed by itself. Since grief is a taboo, few have learned how to grieve and many need a guide. But you are not alone.
As a psychotherapist specializing in relational psychological crisis, loss, grief and transformation, I have been there myself. Consumed, paralyzed, incapacitated and pained with grief. I am not afraid to talk to you about your grief.
Grief must be taken seriously, whether it is direct or indirect. It must not be ignored or suppressed.
Grief arises from crisis and loss in relation to those you love and bond with.
You can feel grief at direct losses such as, for example. abortion, death, accident, illness and divorce. Or in case of failure, rejection, unrequited love, violation, infidelity and alcohol problems.
Direct grief can also occur in relation to yourself, if you e.g. experience unemployment, financial ruin, critical or chronic illness, disability, loss of limbs, skills and abilities.
When one suffers, everyone suffers. It is difficult to witness and the grief affects both your family, the children, the partner, the relationship and the sex life.
Those close to you want to help, but rarely know how and they are not trained to deal with your grief. It can be destructive to relationships and inappropriate for your grieving process. Grief can feel very lonely and alienating.
At first it may be easy to find someone to talk to, but grief takes time and must be actively worked through a four-stage process. If you don’t consciously go through the whole process, it can have consequences.
I meet you where you, your partner and family are and offer the best from my toolboxes. Whether it is crisis therapy, grief therapy, couple therapy or family therapy. We take the time you need.
There is always sadness in a crisis, but not always a crisis in a sadness. If you go through the grief, you will be able to create a new life on the other side. The best is yet to come!
Indirect grief relates to a potentially threatening loss, and can therefore also be seen in connection with fear and anxiety.
Indirectly, grief can arise from potential losses in connection with separation anxiety and the fear of losing a loved one.
It can, for example, arise from problems with reproduction, risk of abortion, illness, adultery, threats and separation (divorce). It can also be due to various forms of absence, lack of priority, uncertain commitment, workaholism, extreme sports, unhealthy lifestyle and alcohol problems.
Grief and loneliness arise from a long-term lack of contact, dialogue, closeness and intimacy in marriage, the relationship and the family. This can be as a result of, for example, arguments, crisis and distance. Grief can also be a consequence of what in English is called ‘miserable married’ or ‘separate living’.
Family and relationship problems can be painful and distressing and lead to anger, anxiety, depression, sleep problems, eating disorders, weight problems, infidelity and alcohol problems.
Indirect grief can also arise as a result of failure, abuse, trauma or loss of what you never had as a child. This indirect grief is often suppressed, untreated, complex and diffuse. Often with physical symptoms and reactions. Therefore, always consult a doctor if you are in doubt.
Being adopted, having an unhappy childhood, being the adult child of alcoholics or growing up in a dysfunctional family and with parents with reduced parenting skills can involve great grief. This grief has rarely been seen, acknowledged, accepted and dealt with. It can be like losing yourself. That is perhaps the greatest sadness. Never to have been himself.
Untreated grief incl. many of the above conditions can result in, for example:
Loneliness can in itself be shameful and sad, just as grief can feel lonely. But there is no shame in breaking the loneliness and seeking grief therapy. It’s never too late to get better.
There are many couples who suddenly recognize a sadness during couples therapy. It can be complex, untreated, avoided, delayed, postponed or chronic in connection with e.g. an infidelity, break-up or a death that often dates back several years. Or that originates from childhood.
Some couples are soul mates and have consciously or unconsciously come together in or because of grief. Sooner or later they discover aspects of grief they have in common as a working theme.
It can be grief that has developed into concentration difficulties, memory difficulties, stressful load reactions, anxiety, depression and sick leave.
Other times, couples come to couples therapy with sleep problems, self-esteem problems, alcohol problems, problems with their sex life or infidelity. Things that may in reality be rooted in untreated and disguised grief.
Grief work and grief therapy must therefore often be combined with family and couple therapy or psychotherapy. Together you can learn to do what you could not do alone.
Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen has good experience with this, and contains all the topics you and your partner want to bring up. You therefore do not need to go from therapist to therapist. You can find the entire solution at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk.
The relationship and the family are a system.
Your loved ones are unintentionally affected by your grief and your grief reactions. It can be difficult to handle. Loss and grief can therefore affect the family negatively and trigger a relationship crisis. It can also backfire on the mourner, who may withdraw.
Not that it’s your fault or anyone else’s.
Grief simply requires special skills and support from a combination of grief therapy and couples therapy.
When you share the grief with a grief therapist, the grief is minimized. Grief is also a journey of transformation. Because when you manage to say goodbye and get the relationships repaired, a new life begins.
No two crises or grieving processes are alike.
Many people therefore need support in the form of grief therapy, crisis therapy and developmental therapy during a difficult time. Often in combination with general. psychotherapy, couple therapy and family therapy. Things are connected.
You don’t have to sit alone with your grief.
Grief requires support to move from care to self-care and self-love to self-support. Most come once a week or as needed.
The first 24-72 hours after a major loss, most people are in shock. Here there is a need for space to react as well as local support to take care of the physiological needs and safety. Preferably within the four walls of the home and preferably with the support of a relative. If suicidal thoughts/risk of suicide arise, a doctor, emergency room or police must be contacted immediately.
Few people are able to benefit from grief therapy as long as they are in the acute crisis. It can therefore be an advantage to wait 48 hours before calling and booking an appointment for the first consultation in grief therapy. If you have no one to talk to during that phase, you can of course always contact Parterapi-parterapeut.dk for an emergency appointment.
Some have a lot of words and a great need for talk therapy. Others have few words and find it difficult to get down into the body and process the bodily and energetic grief process.
Some also enjoy and benefit from a change between talk therapy and body therapy to deal with their various grief processes.
At Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen, the grief therapist is both an examined body and gestalt therapist as well as a certified Access Consciousness Bars Facilitator and Body Process Facilitator. You can therefore both get general talk therapy and physical grief therapy, support and care. We use the methods that work best for you.
When you and possibly your partner comes for the first consultation, you will have the opportunity to put into words:
After the first consultation, you are offered a short clarifying and treatment course in grief therapy of a further five consultations focusing on the four main tasks of grief. That might be enough.
After the first six consultations in grief therapy, most people have come a long way. Some have gained a better overview, stabilize their grief crisis or come through. Others need continued support for the grieving process or specific challenges that come with grief.
The various losses affect the individual very differently. For an outsider who does not have professional insight such as a grief therapist, psychotherapist, couple therapist or family therapist, it can be difficult to understand the situation, process and consequences.
Grief is, cf. Marianne Davidsen-Nielsen, an active process that requires personal skills and effort. Contrary to crises, which usually proceed by themselves, grief processes consist of four concrete tasks that must be solved consciously and actively.
However, grief work and grief therapy is rarely a linear process. The four grief tasks can mix and backflow can occur. The grieving process is described in more detail by Marianne Davidsen-Nielsen in the book ‘The necessary pain’:
Grief is in many cases a taboo. It is not something that is talked about openly in all families, couples and relationships.
It is also very few people who actually see and participate in the actual processes of illness and death, as much of it is today institutionalized by professionals in clinics and hospitals.
This means that many have not learned to deal actively and appropriately with illness, death, loss and grief. In short, they haven’t learned how to mourn from a child’s feet.
It can lead to complicated grief, delayed/postponed grief, avoided grief, chronic grief or a form of trauma.
Many people thus have several untreated or incompletely processed losses and traumas behind them. When one day they are faced with, for example, a large and critical loss, this grief can suddenly open up a process around all the previous and underlying losses. It can seem violent and call for professional help.
Grief that is not fully treated can be anything from inhibiting, blocking and debilitating to symptom- and disease-causing or disease-prolonging and worsening.
It can also lead to various forms of dysfunction, self-disruption, abuse, reduced work ability and sick leave. Some also experience losing the will to live. In those cases, a doctor and/or emergency room, police or the like must, of course, be contacted immediately.
Grief in itself is not a disease, but a natural feeling and process. Everything has a beginning, middle and end.
Grief arises when something ends – so that you can let go and accept the new. Grief therapy is thus support for a transformation process and an adjustment for something new to begin.
Grief, grief work and grief therapy are therefore about saying goodbye and hello. Just as grief therapy is about support for a journey from grief to self-care.
The feeling of grief and the grieving process are initiated by something from outside. Typically an experience of something unattainable, unattainable or lost incl. threats, evils, evils, accidents and crises.
Grief is a basic emotion characterized by depression. Grief is a natural, human and healthy reaction that must be supported with grief work and grief therapy if the grieving process does not proceed naturally and effortlessly.
In everyday speech, grief is also referred to as boredom, sadness, sadness and depression.
Grief can therefore also be confused with melancholy and depression. There is also talk of bereavement for a lover, bereavement for money, court bereavement, country bereavement and sympathy bereavement. Sometimes grief turns into anxiety.
Grief typically affects both sleep, immunity, memory, ability to concentrate and work efficiency, and can result in sick leave.
Grief can also lead to behavioral changes incl. promiscuity, gambling and other harmful behavior such as increased consumption or abuse of tobacco, medicine and alcohol.
Often, when a partner or parent dies, many mysteriously take on some of the same habits or symptoms.
It is not uncommon to lose the zest for life, the courage to live and the vitality when a parent, partner or other close relative dies. Then it becomes difficult to find meaning and to hold yourself together as well as the inner and outer chaos.
In elderly people, it is often seen that the survivor’s lifespan is inexplicably shortened. Some get direct death wishes or suicidal thoughts. Always seek medical attention for physical symptoms and in life-threatening situations.
Grief is about attachment, relationships, love and expectations as well as losing and the fear of losing. All that is born dies and all that is composed perishes – harsh but true. Everything we relate to and attach ourselves to, we can lose. Regardless of whether it is something that concerns ourselves, another person, an animal, an object or something intangible such as ideas, dreams, visions, future, possibilities, hope and health.
The relationship and the family are thus an eternal source and scene for separation anxiety (separation anxiety), rejection, loss and grief. Yet grief is an overlooked topic in the relationship and family, as well as in psycho, couple and family therapy.
But grief, grief work and grief therapy is a subject that Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen takes very seriously and has extensive experience in. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk’s core competence is thus to support relational grief.
Lost in grief
When we lose something, we get sad. We get grief reactions and go through a grieving process.
Crises i worry
Sometimes it is simple and straightforward, but when you are in the middle of the crisis and the grief, the loss, the emotions and the task are often difficult and unmanageable.
A bereavement crisis is characterized by a situation where our self-support and skills are not sufficient for all or parts of the challenge.
The reactions in grief
Our grief reactions and grief process are the psychological, emotional and relational change and development process we go through when we lose someone or something and subsequently have to find a foothold in life.
We therefore start from your unique situation and skills. You are supported with grief therapy through a collaboration, right there and with what is needed.
The journey through grief
Grief work and grief therapy are thus a journey from loss, crisis and grief to learning, coping and reorientation.
Diffuse grief in the relationship and the family
Grief can be more or less diffuse. For example, loss of dreams, hope, future, closeness, reputation, honor, identity, aptitude and ability to work. It can be difficult to see what and how much you have lost at the various levels and over time. As well as what you are actually sad and sad about.
You may simply feel a kind of diffuse boredom or sadness at the same time as feeling a strong need to cry or are prone to tears and are prone to crying.
Lover’s sorrow acts, for example. often about the loss of diffuse relationships such as contact, intimacy, cohesion, community, support and mirroring. Just as in an existing relationship it is both painful and sad not to be met, seen, heard, taken seriously, recognized and loved as who you are.
But the grief can also be about other conditions, such as the loss of the dream of having children and creating a family together. Or the fantasy of growing old together.
Bereavement can be experienced both actually and potentially. Eg. in case of unrequited love, in a relationship with separate lifestyles, in case of infidelity, divorce and death or in general attachment problems and fear of losing the partner (separation anxiety).
Grief is thus also about rejection, breach of agreement and about being de-prioritised or chosen from in relation to leisure interests, children, work, alcohol, porn or adultery. It emphasizes the importance of grief therapy as part of couple therapy and family therapy.
Complex grief in the relationship and family
Complex grief is about the fact that it is rarely a single loss at the same time that the loss can have many consequences over time. Grief is often about multiple losses in a combination of both real and potential losses.
In case of infidelity, you can both become afraid of potentially losing your partner (separation anxiety). At the same time as you currently lose confidence and self-confidence.
If you lose your partner or spouse through divorce or death, it is not just the partner you lose. You typically also lose a boyfriend, lover, friend, support and life partner.
If you have experienced the loss of a child, it is not just the child that you have lost. It is also typically experienced as a loss of self and loss of family feeling and the loss of the opportunity to see the child grow up and carry the family on.
If you have lost a pet, you have also lost company, closeness and a good friend.
If it’s the job you’ve lost, you’ve also lost your colleagues, activity, content in life, income, reputation and identity.
If you fail your exam, you may lose both self-confidence, self-esteem, education and career.
A move or secondment affects the relationships, the couple and the family with many direct and indirect losses. Even losing your smartphone or getting a scratch in your car is a loss that affects us on many levels.
In addition to the fact that the loss can have different consequences over time, grief can be reactivated by objects, places, situations, activities and times such as anniversaries, anniversaries and holidays.
It can be difficult to understand and deal with. Both for oneself and the relatives. It is therefore difficult to predict the reactions of the individual as well as in the relationship and the family, as no two people or grief processes are alike.
We never have the same vulnerability to the same things and the grief processes can vary from time to time.
Grief in the family of origin and childhood
The grief can also be due to loss, failure and violations of our origin, incl. childhood and family patterns.
These are patterns we e.g. know from families with attention deficit, neglect, abuse and abuse as well as alcoholic families and adult children of alcoholics.
That way, then as now, we can both isolate, compensate, work overtime and lose ourselves. It is perhaps in fact the greatest loss, discovering that you have not been yourself.
Grief thus also arises in connection with us losing ourselves or losing our possibilities and the opportunity to be ourselves. Including what we did or didn’t get done – and what we regret. What we said or didn’t say – and have regretted. Both in relation to ourselves and a living partner or family member as well as in relation to a deceased person or a relationship that has broken up due to e.g. alcohol, adultery or divorce.
You can be affected by the grief of others
In addition, we are typically affected by the loss, grief and grief reactions of our close relationships. The closest incl. the partner’s loss and grieving processes affect both oneself and the relationship.
For some it is a burden, and for some it can trigger a relationship crisis.
In other families and couples, relatives lose patience, which is why the grieving person may shut down. Or you pull away from each other.
I therefore have many couples who, during couples therapy, suddenly recognize diffuse grief, complex grief, untreated grief, avoided grief, chronic grief, delayed or postponed grief.
It has to take the time it takes
Grief work and grief therapy do not have to go quickly. It can be difficult to move on and to find meaning, purpose and joy in life again.
It is important to say goodbye properly and not just rush on. Depending on your needs, you can supplement with grief therapy around the crisis, the four tasks of grief or your development needs to move on in life.
It can be difficult to see other options than holding on to the grief to honor it and all that you have lost.
Grief treatment and grief therapy are not about forgetting either, but about giving the loss an appropriate place in one’s life. So that one can reconcile, set oneself free, acquire new skills and continue living life. It involves discovering what the loss means in one’s life, incl. the many traces that loss leaves behind.
The settlement and development of the grieving process
Grief a restless love in a process of change where we go from one condition and situation to another. At the same time as we say goodbye, reorient ourselves and our loving energy, acquire new skills and continue our journey. A change that can lead to development or dissolution of ourselves.
After the grief itself, many people ask – so what? They need to find new meaning, opportunities, skills and mastery in life. It is a good sign and a signal for change and development, as well as the last of the four tasks of the grieving process.
For some, grief is wordless, bodily or energetic. For others, it might be a combination. For others, there may just be something or a residue in the body.
Here it can be an advantage with body therapy during grief work.
Parterapi-parterapeut.dk offers, among other things body and gestalt therapy as well as Access Bars and Access Body Processes.
It creates both healing and calm in the mind, head and body. Others also find it helps them sleep better. It can include anything from grieving to letting go. To welcome, create new connections and forms of life. Restructuring, regeneration, reactivation and manifestation.
For example, Access Bars is a stress-relieving, calming and healing body therapy, where 32 points on the head are gently touched. In addition to the special Bars points for grief, healing, gratitude, peace and calm, there are other points that may be relevant in a crisis and grieving process:
Access Bars are received fully dressed and completely effortless. You can start your consultation with general. grief therapy and short sample Bars or vary and combine as needed.
Parterapi-parterapeut.dk is a specialist in relational psychological problems in the relationship and the family, incl. crisis, loss, grief and development.
Parterapi-parterapeut.dk is, among other things, educated and trained with Marianne Davidsen-Nielsen in grief therapy – loss, grief, trauma, separation anxiety (separation anxiety) and attachment.
In addition, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk follows the basic principles of grief therapy and crisis intervention from the book The Necessary Pain.
Parterapi-parterapeut.dk offers, among other things grief therapy for diffuse grief, complex grief, delayed grief, postponed grief, suppressed grief, avoided grief and chronic grief. Grief therapy is offered in Danish or English and supported in German, French, Swedish and Norwegian.
Start with a single consultation in grief therapy. After this, there is the option of a cutting card five times. This is enough for many who either graduate or continue with support for their specific needs.
Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen offers grief therapy for individual clients, couples and families in the form of process-oriented and relational grief treatment.