Article: How to avoid adultery?
Questions and answers about adultery
This is an article in the series of answers about infidelity.
At the bottom of the page you will find links to the other articles in the series.
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Also see the blog and website for press, press kit and press info .
Are you seeking couples therapy for infidelity?
If you have questions and concerns about infidelity, there is probably a reason for it. It can be a good occasion to stop, take stock and reflect on the relationship. Read more below, on the blog and website. There is also a free relationship test here. Or book a single consultation, like a party check, and get an overview of the matter. But stop the accident and immediately click on infidelity or call 61661900 for couples therapy if the damage has been done. Remember that it is never too late to prevent or save the relationship and the family after infidelity.
The consequence of starting a new relationship before ending the old one
What does it do to the relationship, the marriage and the family when you start a new relationship before the old one is completely finished? What if you fall in love with someone else? Is falling in love enough to build a marriage on? That was the essence of the questions that the journalists from BT and SE & HØR asked me, as a sexologist and couple therapist at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk.
Cheating is not a good start for a new relationship
My short answer is that infidelity is not a good start for the new relationship, marriage and family. The new relationship only has approx. 10% chance to survive in the long run – approx. 90% eventually get divorced again. If nothing else, it can cause challenges along the way and afterwards if you don’t talk it through properly or seek couples therapy.
The person who has been unfaithful/played two horses can be drained by a bad conscience, guilt and shame long into the new relationship. And the person who gets along with someone who has gambled on two horses can constantly go under the surface with questions like: Is it happening again? Will this happen to me too one day? And what does this uncertainty do to me?
- When is it adultery?
- How do you end the old relationship before the new one?
- Can you bet on two horses in love?
- What does it do to the relationship, marriage and family?
- When should you seek couples therapy?
- How can a sexologist help when it goes beyond sex life?
- Free self-help guide and first aid for infidelity
- About couples therapy for infidelity
Infidelity and insecurity can be contagious
A bizarre effect that I often see as a psychotherapist and couples therapist is that in the new relationship, infidelity often occurs again over time. It can be with the other party, who has never had thoughts, fantasies or wishes about infidelity, but now goes and is unsure.
Some also have a tendency to play on two horses and seek reassurance in formally and practically ending the old relationship only when the new relationship has started and feels safe enough. Is it playing on two horses? And is that ok? Are you the master of your love? Do you decide for yourself where to direct focus, emotions and energy?
But help, I’ve fallen in love with someone else!
What if you fall in love with someone else? Is falling in love a reason to leave your partner? Well, a crush doesn’t last forever. Typically three months and sometimes up to six months. Rarely longer or shorter, but it does happen and depends on how you tend to fall in love – in the old as well as the new relationship. Falling in love is therefore a temporary emotion.
In coaching, psychotherapy and couple therapy, it is a basic rule not to make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings. These considerations, about what already is and can become (the old relationship/marriage) as well as what you can get and what it can develop into (the new relationship/marriage, you can get support to deal with via psychotherapy and couples therapy .
But there is always only one person who can make the decision – yourself. In any case, it is good to think about it, because at least 10% regret, for example, their NemId divorce. Finally, you must remember that falling in love and love (as below) can and must always be nurtured. You can do this via couples therapy, but you can also use the free tool with the two exercises and 36 questions that can make you fall in love again.
Falling in love as a precursor to love and relational development
Falling in love is not a guarantee of eternal happiness. As I understand Kierkegaard, he regarded falling in love as a precursor to love – where friendship is one of the three basic elements in a relationship. That it is after falling in love that the real work must be done.
If you do this work yourself or seek psychotherapy and couples therapy, it is a source of relational development, personal development, attachment, cohesion and healing. However, many are surprised when falling in love fades and that everyday life and the hamster wheel hit them. For some, it even gives them a love hangover. That shock can cause some to back out and/or to seek new infatuations, sidestepping, affairs and infidelity.
Not to condemn adultery and alternative forms of cohabitation
Not to judge or condemn. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen is of the belief that infidelity is a matter of personal boundaries and what you define yourself. There are many possibilities and ways of living together. It is up to people, via couple therapy and sexological conversation therapy, to find the answers and solutions that work for them. For those interested in development and growth as well as upgrading the relationship to second or first grade, there is also the option of imago therapy. Image therapy provides insight into the blind spots as well as the personal and shared dynamics in the relationship and the family.
The ex-boyfriend, the family and the children
However, infidelity and any breach or failure and violation do not only affect the scorned. There are at least two partners who are involved and who are affected. Their partner, the respective families and children may also be affected and need to speak out. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk helps here with various constellations of psychotherapy, grief therapy, couple therapy and family therapy.
The article from BT
On the following link, you will find the article from BT dated 20180111 about relationships, infidelity and divorce: Expert on the breakup between Zobel and Burhan G – That’s why this kind of relationship almost never lasts. As well as the article from SE og Hør of 20180120 : Kærlighenden brast. After five years, the power couple Sarah Zobel and Burhan G are going their separate ways.
Q&A about adultery
Articles with practical answers about adultery
In the article series with answers about adultery, you can read more about:
- What is adultery?
- Why does adultery occur?
- What are the signs of adultery?
- What are the consequences of adultery?
- How is grief handled by e.g. infidelity?
- How to forgive adultery?
- What do the statistics say about adultery?
- What do catchphrases and quotes say about adultery?
- First aid guide for infidelity.
By Parterapi-parterapeut.dk
In every crisis and change there is a learning and an opportunity. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen and online, helps worldwide clients, couples, families, teams and managers to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
At Parterapi-parterapeut.dk you meet Kasper Larsen, mba. He is from 1966 and EAP/EAGT examined psychotherapist and certified couples therapist and sexologist. Kasper has over 30 years of experience and ongoing continuing education at Master’s level under the approval of the American Psychological Association.
He specializes in infidelity and, as something special, he has over 15 years of specialist experience in online therapy by telephone and thus runs a global online business in coaching and psychotherapy. He is fluent in Danish and English as well as German, French, Norwegian and Swedish.
Kasper Larsen has been self-employed since 2002. Before that, he was a top management consultant in the largest consulting houses. As a therapist, he has, among other things, work in social psychiatry and with professional alcohol treatment. For private individuals, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk offers, among other things, psychotherapy, imagotherapy, family therapy, couples therapy, sexology, access bars body processes and alcohol treatment. Supervision, coaching and courses are also offered for businesses.
Consultation in psychotherapy and couples therapy
You can read more about couple therapy at www.parterapi-partterapeut.dk .
Or book a consultation in psychotherapy, couples therapy and sexology on tel. 61661900 .
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Read more about couples therapy…
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Read more about adultery…
On the website you can read about infidelity and the three phases you must go through to get over the infidelity crisis safely:
Infidelity • Crisis • Stabilization • Development
Under other services, you can read more sexology , psychotherapy , image therapy , family therapy , access bars body processes and access bars body courses as well as stress, anxiety & depression , grief , alcohol and adult-child of alcoholics . In the menu you will also find more about e.g. supervision and coaching .
Blog with free tools, ebooks and articles about infidelity…
What are the signs of infidelity?
How does infidelity occur and is there even a formula for infidelity?
What are the six primary causes of infidelity?
The diagnosis and anatomy of infidelity
The two main and three underlying factors of infidelity?
Should I say that I have committed adultery?
What are the consequences of adultery?
How to heal the pain after infidelity?
How to move forward together with couples therapy after infidelity
Free guide to getting over infidelity
Avoid infidelity and end the old relationship before a new one
Trust, confidence, mistrust and infidelity
Relationships, finances, lies and infidelity
Emotions and ditital infidelity
Addiction and digital infidelity
Kasper Larsen, mba
Examining psychotherapist with certification in couple therapy and specialty in adultery.
Certified coach specializing in mindset, paradigm shift, quantum leaps and turnarounds.
© Kasper Larsen, 2021. All rights reserved.