- About summer holidays and relationships
- What should we do?
- 10 recommendations for the holidays!
- Open for couples therapy before and during the summer holidays
The summer holidays are just around the corner.
Time for oneself, love, the relationship and the family.
A welcome break and a breather.
An opportunity to finally be together and talk things through.
For some, it’s something they’ve been looking forward to, and for others it’s the opposite.
As well as associated with stress worry and perhaps anxiety.
This applies in particular to those where:
The busy everyday life has taken over and taken the life from them.
Those who haven’t had time to continuously nurture the relationship.
Those where communication, problem solving and closeness have slipped into the background.
Those who have forgotten each other and started living separate lives, together.
Those who have unconsciously drifted apart and now have to get back together.
Those who have problems that have not yet been identified.
Those who have swept their problems under the carpet.
Those who have dropped the bomb and taken the magazine out of their mouths just before the holidays.
Those who have dropped the bomb and taken the magazine out of their mouths during the holidays.
Those who feel they are to blame on account of emotions.
Those who have to catch up on everything that was neglected.
Those who with the best of heart make the holiday another project that must be successful.
It can be hard to switch from a busy everyday life, where most of the time together is spent in practical task solving, to a sudden and 24/7 presence. With one, work and everyday life take a backseat and instead love, relationships and family take center stage. It becomes much more intense. At the same time, it means a new way of having contact and a new way of relating.
It can be very confrontational. We are partly confronted with ourselves, each other and life. Now all our thoughts become clear at the same time that all the good and bad are felt much more clearly. In addition, all the questions appear. Are we living the way we want? Does it make sense? Is this what I want? What is the price? Do I want to pay it? Many may also not have had the opportunity to take care of their sex life properly and now they finally have time to be together! But so what? With one, there will be room to talk about themselves and us, but dialogue, problem solving and negotiation may have been shut down. Then you must first tune in to a common frequency at the same time as the skills are rusty and the switch must first be warmed up.
Apart from the fact that it can be a noticeable and confronting shift, all the tasks and problems of relationships now come to the surface with tremendous pressure and demand their attention and treatment.
What we can do: Many ask for an emergency appointment for couples therapy or an accelerated course before the holidays. Some also use their summer vacation for an intensive course in couples therapy. Alternatively, they try it themselves during the holidays. For some it was successful and others make the decision for couples therapy during the holidays or right after. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk is open during the summer holiday period and you are always welcome to call with questions.
What should we do:
Some also call and ask if it is a good idea to start couples therapy before the holidays. Here I think that the couples therapist will answer in the same way as, for example, the lawyer, the dentist, the mechanic or the bicycle mechanic. Start as early as possible! The lawyer will probably say that you should have called something sooner. The dentist will probably say that it is better to have the tooth fixed before the holidays, instead of going through the pain all summer. The mechanic will probably say that it is better to have a service check before the long journey. Or that it is better to have the timing belt changed before the holiday, instead of betting that it won’t break on the motorway. And the bike smith will probably recommend taking an extra hose and some tools with you in your bag before you cycle around Zealand. The couples therapist just like that.
A few quick recommendations for the holidays:
- Plan time together and separately.
- Show respect and allow you to move in and out of contact.
- If you disagree, at least agree on what you disagree on.
- Get a blog and write down the things you want to do something about.
- Park the things that you cannot act on here and now.
- If you want to solve a problem, ask “how” instead of “why”.
- Focus on creating some practical activities and good experiences together.
- Focus on what you can and what already works.
- Be kind and polite to yourself and each other.
- Don’t push yourself and each other too hard.
Call for questions or to make an appointment.
It is open during the summer holiday period.
Good summer holiday!
You can read more about love, relationships and couples therapy here: http://www.parterapi-parterapeut.dk/
And about acute couple therapy at the link here: www.parterapi-parterapeut.dk/parterapi-uden-ventetid_akut-ferie-parterapi-her-og-nu.html
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If you have questions or comments, you are also welcome to send an email.
Kasper Larsen
Family and couples therapist
© Kasper Larsen, 2012. All rights reserved.