- About statistics for adultery
- Statistics for prevalence of adultery
- Statistics for matters surrounding adultery
Article: Statistics for infidelity – is infidelity normal?
Questions and answers about adultery
This is an article in the series of answers about infidelity.
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About adultery statistics
Statistics on infidelity are continuously generated and published online and in the press. However, not all statistics for infidelity have been checked and it can be very difficult to obtain honest answers about infidelity for psychological reasons. Likewise, the various statistics are often made on very different bases and thus difficult to compare.
Most are designed for specific purposes and to answer specific and context-specific questions. Many statistics can therefore be directly contradictory. However, the statistics rarely vary significantly over time or from study to study.
So below a few general figures, in areas I also find evidence for in my own couple therapy practice at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk. In addition, there are some statistics about infidelity under the other articles on this site – click on the Infidelity button and find more information about couples therapy and infidelity.
Statistically speaking, how widespread is adultery
Unfortunately, infidelity is not an unusual phenomenon. However, it should not be an excuse, as infidelity always involves chaos, crisis, grief and pain for both parties as well as those closest to them, including family, children, friends and colleagues. On the other hand, it can also be said that infidelity is so widespread that there is a high risk of infidelity occurring in any marriage or long-term relationship.
For example, it is estimated cf. Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, that 45-55% of all women and 50-60 of all men will commit adultery at some point in their lives. It just emphasizes the importance of dialogue about the limits of infidelity as well as preventive couple therapy. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk offers both general couples therapy, imago therapy and sexological conversation therapy as treatment for infidelity as well as preventive and preventive couple checks.
The Danes’ relationship to adultery is a double standard
According to Gallup, approx. 30% unfaithful, while approx. 60% of all Danes believe that adultery is unacceptable. Adultery occurs most often in the 36-45 age group and repeated infidelity occurs most often in the older age groups.
What is statistically considered infidelity
Approx. 60% confess their infidelity to a third party – the likelihood of being exposed by a third party is therefore high. Approx. 90% consider extramarital sex to be adultery. For approx. 60% kissing someone else is infidelity. Approx. 30% perceive flirting (IRL as electronic) as infidelity. And approx. 15% perceive dancing closely as infidelity.
Statistically speaking, where is the greatest infidelity
Infidelity is most common in the capital, among the more highly educated and in long-term relationships (in the 5th to 15th year of marriage). Approx. 35% flirt at work and approx. 11% have had sex at work / in connection with work. It is according to a Dutch study (cf. kk.no 20131103) especially powerful, attractive and extroverted men (alpha males) and women (alpha females) who cheat – especially those with low self-esteem and high self-confidence.
Statistics for infidelity at Christmas lunches
According to a statistic that Zepera has made for 24hours (b.dk 20091113), one in 10 has cheated on a Christmas lunch . And according to statistics from 2013 from Gallup, 6% have had intercourse in connection with a Christmas lunch. We spend many hours at work with colleagues.
Many create close relationships at work, which can easily form the basis for friendships, feelings and falling in love. That and a flirtation at work can thus quickly develop into infidelity during, for example, the summer party or the Christmas lunch as the alcohol wears off, the conversation becomes loose, the music is turned up and the dancing becomes close.
This form of infidelity hits hard, as the infidelity not only affects the relationship and the colleague, but typically also affects the professional relationship and the career. Therefore, collegial infidelity is rarely just an innocent sidestep, but a painful and complicated process that requires couple therapy.
Statistics about infidelity, SMS, emails etc
Cf. The Internet Research Institute at Oxford University checks 44% anonymously the partner’s private text messages, emails, etc. And if you, for example, check the partner’s messages, there is also a 65% probability that the partner will also check yours. It is thus one of the most common ways in which infidelity is discovered.
Besides the fact that it is a breach of letter confidentiality, for most it is a breach of trust and offensive enough in itself, even if infidelity has not yet occurred in the relationship. Then it is better to seek couples therapy. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen thus helps many couples every day for trusting, open, honest and assertive psychological communication as well as prevention against infidelity.
Infidelity in the perfect relationship
The general experience is that approx. 70% of all adultery is not planned and that in most cases of adultery alcohol has been involved. That is why alcohol and adultery are often linked. Just as alcohol cf. The grant study is the single biggest cause of divorce. Most affairs also stop.
Only around and up to 10% leave the partner in favor of the lover and in the vast majority of cases this relationship does not last long. So roughly speaking, infidelity and infidelity that is not fully treated with couples therapy is a lose-lose situation.
Statistical causes of adultery
At the same time, it can be stated that in approx. 90% of all relationships where adultery has been committed, one or both partners were not satisfied with the relationship (Dr. Dana M. Fillmore).
Statistics for couples therapy, infidelity and divorce
Approx. 50% of all first marriages dissolve and approx. 50% of these divorces are due to untreated / not fully treated infidelity (Frode Thuen, Norwegian psychologist, researcher and author) and lack of support via couples therapy.
Those who seek couple therapy for infidelity therefore have a good statistical chance of preserving the relationship and saving the marriage. It is Parterapi-parterapeut.dk’s experience that all relationships with infidelity can be saved if both parties are committed to the process.
The divorce rate increases approx. 10% for second marriages and approx. 10% of the children born in stable relationships are thought to have been conceived in connection with adultery. Love child or Love children, you call them.
Statistics for men, women and adultery
There is a statistical tendency for men (US/UK 40-80%) to cheat more than women (US/UK 25-70%). Cf. in other studies, however, this evens out when the analysis shifts from being inquisitive to being experimental.
Women are typically more likely to fight for the relationship after infidelity, where many men are quick to demand a divorce. It is typically the middle-aged men who cheat the most, but among younger people in their 20s and 30s, it is typically the women who cheat the most (Frode Thuen).
Double infidelity statistics
I have not yet seen Danish figures specifically for married couples where both partners have been unfaithful to each other. But in Norway, where there is significantly less adultery (17% men and 10% women) than in Denmark, both parties have in approx. 4% (then you can even multiply that up to Danish conditions – i.e. about double) of all married couples have been unfaithful to each other.
From evidence in my own practice at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk, I would also believe that the figure is significantly higher in Denmark, especially in long-term couples. It is my experience, for example, that after untreated adultery, there is a high risk that the other party will also subsequently commit adultery.
Just as there cf. Frode Thuen, after untreated adultery, there is a risk that the unfaithful commits adultery again. Conversely, when infidelity is treated with couple therapy, it is the general experience and the experience of Parterapi-parterapeut.dk that the infidelity is such a great lesson for the cheater that the cheater never commits adultery again.
Statistics for other complicated adultery
There are currently no statistics for other forms of complicated infidelity, but from Parterapi-parterapeut.dk’s own practice there are also cases where the cheater indirectly takes the infidelity with him into the next relationship and commits infidelity himself afterwards.
Other complicated cases are the relationships that arise in adultery. This means that one or both parties are already in a permanent relationship and commit adultery together and then form a couple. It does not always and necessarily create new infidelity in the new relationship, but often takes a toll on the relationship in the form of mistrust and jealousy.
Q&A about adultery
Articles with practical answers about adultery
In the article series with answers about adultery, you can read more about:
- What is adultery?
- Why does adultery occur?
- What are the signs of adultery?
- What are the consequences of adultery?
- How is grief handled by e.g. infidelity?
- How to forgive adultery?
- What do the statistics say about adultery?
- What do catchphrases and quotes say about adultery?
- First aid guide for infidelity.
By Parterapi-parterapeut.dk
In every crisis and change there is a learning and an opportunity. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen and online, helps worldwide clients, couples, families, teams and managers to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
At Parterapi-parterapeut.dk you meet Kasper Larsen, mba. He is from 1966 and EAP/EAGT examined psychotherapist and certified couples therapist and sexologist. Kasper has over 30 years of experience and ongoing continuing education at Master’s level under the approval of the American Psychological Association.
He specializes in infidelity and, as something special, he has over 15 years of specialist experience in online therapy by telephone and thus runs a global online business in coaching and psychotherapy. He is fluent in Danish and English as well as German, French, Norwegian and Swedish.
Kasper Larsen has been self-employed since 2002. Before that, he was a top management consultant in the largest consulting houses. As a therapist, he has, among other things, work in social psychiatry and with professional alcohol treatment. For private individuals, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk offers, among other things, psychotherapy, imagotherapy, family therapy, couples therapy, sexology, access bars body processes and alcohol treatment. Supervision, coaching and courses are also offered for businesses.
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On the website you can read about infidelity and the three phases you must go through to get over the infidelity crisis safely:
Infidelity • Crisis • Stabilization • Development
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Blog with free tools, ebooks and articles about infidelity…
What are the signs of infidelity?
How does infidelity occur and is there even a formula for infidelity?
What are the six primary causes of infidelity?
The diagnosis and anatomy of adultery
The two main and three underlying factors of infidelity?
Should I say that I have committed adultery?
What are the consequences of adultery?
How to heal the pain after infidelity?
How to move forward together with couples therapy after infidelity
Free guide to getting over infidelity
Avoid infidelity and end the old relationship before a new one
Trust, confidence, mistrust and infidelity
Relationships, finances, lies and infidelity
Emotions and ditital infidelity
Addiction and digital infidelity
Statistics on infidelity
Kasper Larsen, mba
Examining psychotherapist with certification in couple therapy and specialty in adultery.
Certified coach specializing in mindset, paradigm shift, quantum leaps and turnarounds.
© Kasper Larsen, 2021. All rights reserved.
Blue Techker I really like reading through a post that can make men and women think. Also, thank you for allowing me to comment!