- When to file for divorce
- What is a good-enough reason to divorce
- How is the outside world affected by the divorce
- When and how to file for divorce
When is the reason for divorce good enough?
As a couples therapist, I have been interviewed in connection with Countess Alexandra and Martin Jørgensen’s divorce. From what has been officially announced, it sounds like a very central, human and natural reason that the couple has given as the reason for their divorce.
The pain of divorce
The divorce rate in Denmark is unfortunately high (approx. 50%) and it is even higher for second marriages (approx. 70%). Getting divorced is a tragic event for everyone involved. Not least for the children who may be involved. Also tragic news for everyone who knows or can relate to the couple and the family. And once the decision to divorce is made, it is hopefully the best of many evils. So when most people get divorced, it’s because they can’t and don’t want to anymore, because they’ve done what they could and because they see no other way out and because it no longer makes sense to stay together.
Prevention, clarification, treatment and development
If a married couple has not yet reached the point where divorce is the only way out, there are e.g. evidence from i.a. American research around Marriage Checkup from, among others, NICHD that a clarifying couple check can be preventive. If, on the other hand, mild to moderate problems have first arisen in the relationship and sex life, the relationship can typically be saved by a short and intensive course of couples therapy and/or sexological conversation therapy – see links below. If the couple is thus simply committed to the process and ready, focused and hardworking, the relationship, marriage and family can typically still be saved.
The right to divorce
If a married couple wishes to divorce, it can be done today with or without prior separation. If a married couple does not want to continue the marriage, they have the right to legal separation. Since 1 July 2013, it is possible to divorce immediately and without prior separation. Before this date, you could apply for a divorce after 6 or 12 months of separation. In certain cases, such as adultery, you can get divorced without prior separation. If a married couple does not agree, however, the couple can usually only get a divorce after the couple have been separated for six months.
From 1 December 2014, married couples must apply for legal separation or divorce digitally. It costs DKK 900 (2015) to process a case of separation or divorce. If a negotiation of terms is also selected, a fee of DKK 1,000 (2015) must be paid in addition.
The married couple choose themselves whether the married couple will come to a meeting of the State Administration – the so-called negotiation of terms. Here, a case manager explains what it means to be separated and divorced. In order to approve the separation and then a possible divorce, the State Administration must make sure that the couple agrees on their joint relationship. The married couple must therefore agree on whether one of you must pay spousal support to the other, and if the couple lives in a rental property, the married couple must agree on who will possibly stay and continue the tenancy. The couple must also be aware of their pension schemes, group life insurance and ATP.
If a married couple wants clarification, to test the decision, to give the relationship an extra chance or help with farewell therapy, self-paid Divorce Therapy is available at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk.
Tips for the relationship and love
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