How to heal the pain after infidelity?

How to get over infidelity with couples therapy?
How to move on together after infidelity?
How to heal the wound of infidelity with couples therapy?
How to deal with the pain, anger and grief after infidelity?
How do you ensure a good dialogue with couples therapy?

Article: Healing the pain after infidelity

Questions and answers about adultery

This is an article in the series of answers about infidelity.
On the blog and at the bottom of the page you will find links to the other articles in the series.
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Are you seeking couples therapy for infidelity?

If you have questions and concerns about infidelity or difficulty in forgiving and getting over the infidelity, there is a reason for that. It can be a good occasion to stop, take stock and reflect on the relationship.

Read more below, on the blog and website. There is also a free relationship test here. Or book a single consultation, like a party check, and get an overview of the matter. But stop the accident and immediately click on infidelity or call 61661900 for couples therapy if the damage has been done. Remember that it is never too late to prevent or save the relationship and the family after infidelity.

From infidelity and pain to healing and development with couples therapy

The challenge of infidelity and couple therapy for infidelity

In couple therapy around infidelity, the challenge is that the unfaithful and the deceived are in two completely different places.

The cheated party is in crisis, grief and pain and needs to be seen, heard and taken seriously – this includes talking about and understanding and sharing the anger, pain and sadness of the infidelity and what happened in the past.

However, the unfaithful party is often clear about his mistake and infidelity as well as full of guilt and shame – and often wants to quickly move on and prefer to talk about the future. In this way, the deceived and injured party is never really seen, heard and understood. Without a sense of it, the pain, anger, grief and wounds of infidelity can never truly heal.

In couples therapy, the wounds of infidelity are given light and air

The psychological wounds of infidelity are like physical wounds – they need air, light and care so they can heal. It heals the wounds from the infidelity by the fact that the deceived party is allowed to share all his experiences, thoughts, fantasies, reactions, feelings, desires and fears without reservation during couples therapy. At the same time that all important questions about the infidelity are answered via couples therapy. It is difficult to do at home and without support in the form of professional couples therapy.

The healing process around infidelity requires couples therapy

Infidelity often requires couples therapy. Partly because of the pressure from the infidelity crisis, partly because it is a difficult dialogic process and partly because the unfaithful would rather move on or talk about the future. The unfaithful person also typically finds it difficult to contain both the pain of the deceived and his own pain, including his guilt and shame.

In this way, the deceived party can never really feel seen, heard, spaced and recognized. At the same time, the unfaithful person will have a natural tendency to, for example, console and explain himself or promise penance and recovery. But it often has just the opposite effect. In the case of infidelity, the process of apology and forgiveness requires completely different techniques, which often require support in the form of couples therapy.

To talk about the infidelity, the violation and the pain

The fact that it is difficult to talk about the infidelity and that it requires couple therapy does not mean that you cannot do something yourself. Or that you should not work during the couples therapy yourself, on the contrary:

Step 1: Honesty about the infidelity

The first task consists of the drugged party getting and taking a seat. That the deceived party gets to talk about all experiences, feelings, thoughts, worries, anger, pain and sorrow.

Step 2: Evidence of the adultery

The next task consists in the unfaithful being present, listening carefully, witnessing and remembering the individual points about the infidelity and its consequences. That the unfaithful puts himself and his own needs aside, incl. one’s own pain, guilt, shame and impatience or urge to fix, comfort, excuse, explain, justify, justify or reject.

It is about the need for the deceived to feel seen and recognized and for the deceived to feel that the unfaithful person takes responsibility for his actions and witnesses the pain that the lie, the deception, the failure and the infidelity have caused.

Step 3: Rewriting and confirming the infidelity

The third task consists of the unfaithful rewriting the story of the deceived including subjective experiences, feelings and pain in his own words and in a way that shows a deeper understanding of the pain that the infidelity has caused. The goal is reached when the deceived person feels that the unfaithful person has heard and understood the effect of the infidelity.

It requires that as many examples and details as possible be included – if not all, then all significant examples and details. And that the unfaithful through this shows how the unfaithful has hurt the partner with the infidelity, what the unfaithful has learned and what actions the unfaithful will take to prove that the unfaithful will never commit adultery again.

It is the best excuse and immediate safeguard against future infidelity. It is clear that via couple therapy there are still old and current problems that must be resolved via couple therapy and that via couple therapy a new relationship and vision for the couple relationship must be built.

Image therapy / imago couple therapy after infidelity

The best insurance and prevention against infidelity is therefore to understand the pain and to get to know each other better. These are immediately some of the biggest advantages of going through a process of couples therapy in case of infidelity.

In couple therapy around infidelity, however, it is not only possible to avoid divorce and to save the relationship, marriage and family, but also to become more open and honest and to get closer to each other. If you are then interested in that and further development towards the loving, lively and dynamic couple relationship, you can supplement with imago therapy / imago couple therapy at Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen Valby .

Sexological conversation therapy / sexological couple therapy for infidelity

Often, however, infidelity is also disruptive to self-esteem, identity, sexuality and sex life. If that is the case, you can also get support in the form of sexological talk therapy / sexological couple therapy during the process of couple therapy for infidelity .

Q&A about adultery

Articles with practical answers about adultery

In the article series with answers about adultery, you can read more about:

What is adultery?
Why does adultery occur?
What are the signs of adultery?
What are the consequences of adultery?
How is grief handled by e.g. infidelity?
How to forgive adultery?
What do the statistics say about adultery?
What do catchphrases and quotes say about adultery?
First aid guide for infidelity.

By Parterapi-parterapeut.dk

In every crisis and change there is a learning and an opportunity. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen and online, helps worldwide clients, couples, families, teams and managers to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

At Parterapi-parterapeut.dk you meet Kasper Larsen, mba. He is from 1966 and EAP/EAGT examined psychotherapist and certified couples therapist and sexologist. Kasper has over 30 years of experience and ongoing continuing education at Master’s level under the approval of the American Psychological Association.

He specializes in infidelity and, as something special, he has over 15 years of specialist experience in online therapy by telephone and thus runs a global online business in coaching and psychotherapy. He is fluent in Danish and English as well as German, French, Norwegian and Swedish.

Kasper Larsen has been self-employed since 2002. Before that, he was a top management consultant in the largest consulting houses. As a therapist, he has, among other things, work in social psychiatry and with professional alcohol treatment. For private individuals, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk offers, among other things, psychotherapy, imagotherapy, family therapy, couples therapy, sexology, access bars body processes and alcohol treatment. Supervision, coaching and courses are also offered for businesses.

Consultation in psychotherapy and couples therapy

You can read more about couple therapy at www.parterapi-partterapeut.dk .
Or book a consultation in psychotherapy, couples therapy and sexology on tel. 61661900 .

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Blog with free tools, ebooks and articles about infidelity…

What is adultery?

What are the signs of infidelity?

How does infidelity occur and is there even a formula for infidelity?

What are the six primary causes of infidelity?

The diagnosis and anatomy of adultery