Article: Guide for first aid, self-help and couple therapy in case of infidelity
Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen has over 30 years of experience in psychological crisis, development and change processes. As well as over 15 years of specialization in psychotherapy and couple therapy for affairs, affairs and infidelityBased on this, below you will find a short guide for self-help with an overview of the main processes for dealing with adultery. On the blog and website under infidelity, you will also find a series of articles with lots of tools and information about infidelity. On the website you will also find a free relationship test as a tool for reflection and dialogue. You can also book an initial consultation, as a party check, where you can get professional support for the dialogue, an overview of the case and more tools.
You can also book a party check, where you can get professional support for the dialogue, an opinion on the matter and more tools. But immediately click here on infidelity or call 61661900 for couples therapy if the damage has been done. Remember it’s never too late. Neither to prevent infidelity nor to save the relationship and the family after infidelity.
The three stages of adultery
- Processing the infidelity
- Rebuilding trust
- Rebuilding the relationship
Phase 1 Process the infidelity
- Talk about the infidelity
- Understand the factors that may have contributed to the infidelity
- Avoid blaming yourself for the infidelity
- Decide if there is hope for the relationship after the infidelity
The first phase in a crisis after infidelity is the shock phase. There are typically many opposing and forbidden feelings, thoughts and questions here. It is chaotic, overwhelming and difficult to manage yourself. Therefore seek couple therapy immediately approx. 24-72 hours after the realization, when the immediate reaction is over, so that you can have a calm, subdued and professional dialogue in an external and neutral setting with the couples therapist.
Infidelity almost always has a reason. However, rarely sex or the relationship itself. More often, the infidelity is due to the situation, the opportunity and the circumstances. For example, alcohol, overtime, accommodation and travel. Otherwise excitement, confirmation, recognition, closeness and intimacy.
However, it is often a combination of anger, disappointment, anger and a failure of communication or a lack of problem solving. In couple therapy around infidelity, no two situations and processes are the same, so avoid falling into the pitfalls of stereotypes.
Stop the infidelity immediately, but don’t minimize the infidelity by calling it a little misunderstanding. Nor does it help to blame yourself, to psychologically gain control of the problem or to instill temporary hope and relief. It is the person who has committed adultery, who has made that choice and who is responsible for his behavior.
On the other hand, you have been two minds about it if your sex life, relationship, relationship, communication and problem solving were not satisfactory beforehand. On that account, you both probably have something to realize, learn, take responsibility for, and improve. That’s why couples therapy for infidelity is so important. Finally, it also does not make the process better if the unfaithful party punishes or plays himself off the field.
When the worst crisis is over, then immediately consider whether there is hope for the relationship and whether it is worth saving. Relate to yourself, your partner, the relationship, strengths, weaknesses, threats and opportunities. Especially the opportunities and the life, relationship and family you want to create. A love affair involves, among other things, about fascination, eroticism and exclusivity – which of course has to be worked on after infidelity. But there is also family, history, memories and, not least, friendship.
There are both advantages and disadvantages to staying together and getting divorced. Both parts are a process and a job. It is always possible to save and develop the relationship with couples therapy, but it is you who must make the decision and do the work. Approx. 80% save the relationship with couples therapy after a crisis such as infidelity.
There is always a ‘why’ and a ‘how’. If you want to divorce, you must know why. If you stay together, you must find out how via couples therapy. If you decide to go ahead and give it a chance, you must first rebuild trust and create the new relationship. When you have done that, you can feel how it is and decide whether it is the life you want, whether you want to work on making it better or whether you want to divorce.
Phase 2 Rebuild trust after infidelity
- Take steps to rebuild trust
- Talk openly about the infidelity
- Know that forgiveness is an option
- Forgive your partner and yourself
Via couples therapy, you must talk about and find out how you can rebuild trust after the infidelity. Because after infidelity, trust is broken and the unfaithful party is no longer trustworthy. But you can establish frameworks, behaviour, communication and procedures that inspire and build trust. There are several psychological and practical factors that Parterapi-parterapeut.dk can support you to deal with along the way via the couple therapy.
Ask and talk openly about the infidelity with respect and dignity. Lay the cards on the table. Now is the chance for you to be honest, authentic and to get close to each other. Not least to process the grief. It is difficult, convoluted and there are many pitfalls. What are, for example, ‘need to know’, ‘nice to know’ and ‘not to know’? But Parterapi-parterapeut.dk helps you, among other things. with handling along the way. There are many options, methods and procedures here.
Then consider whether it might be possible to forgive – at some point. It may sound bizarre, but you must first of all come to be able to forgive yourself – it may at least be an opportunity to start there if it is difficult. And forgiveness is not a ‘must’ or a requirement to be able to get over the infidelity and move on together after the infidelity.
No one says that the infidelity itself must be forgiven, but that the person behind it can perhaps be forgiven. The forgiveness process for infidelity can be long and convoluted. Have patience. Give yourself plenty of time for it and the grieving process – letting go or ‘letting go’ as they call it. Also remember that there are two of you involved in the work. For the person who has been unfaithful, it can be difficult to say the right thing, which can lead to forgiveness. That’s why you also get this tool and guide along the way in Undskyld in 5 languages.
Phase 3 Rebuild a new relationship after infidelity
- Get professional help in the form of couples therapy
- Tell your partner what you want
- Ask your partner how you can make the relationship better
- Restore the relationship through a collaboration
- Communicate regularly with your partner
- Have patience and trust the process
Infidelity is like an instant divorce, even if you stay together and go through the crisis together. As soon as you are ready for it, you must therefore have talked about a future life and relationship via couples therapy. Tell us what you want, talk about how it can be better and find out how to communicate and collaborate again.
It involves shaking the bag – incl. duties, tasks, roles, procedures, norms, values, culture, visions, hopes, dreams and goals. But it can also be finances, savings, consumption, housing, children, family, friends, pets, work, career, retirement, transport, travel, food, alcohol, health, health, free time, dating, sexuality and joint activities.
You must once again decide on your ‘why’ and ‘how’. Now it’s no longer about attraction and compatibility. Now it’s about creation and creation. What do you want to create together? What energy will you create together? And what will you create together with that energy? Who are you and what will that make you? What else is possible? And how does it get even better than that?
Sometimes it is also about how your engine room works and what you have in your rucksack. What psychological dynamics it creates, what buttons you push with each other and what kind of patterns it creates. Therefore, couple therapy is not just couple therapy either. Because you or the couples therapist cannot change the partner.
Couples therapy is psychotherapy with two adults in a relationship. It is through this that you gain insight into yourself and can grow, develop and change for the better, bigger, easier and more fun. In this way, infidelity, crisis, couples therapy and psychotherapy are a journey of development, where stumbling blocks become stepping stones and weaknesses become strengths.
Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen has many methods and toolboxes. The best and the best answers are therefore the ones you find yourself during couple therapy and psychotherapy. However, a particularly good development tool is imago therapy. In addition, Access Bars© can be added along the way, which can both contribute to putting you at ease, opening up and creating new opportunities together. In the case of adultery, sex life also often suffers a break.
Alternatively, it opens the door to shaking the bag and sexological conversation therapy, so that you can create an even better sex life. And if you are stuck in grief, there is both the option of grief therapy and Access Bars©. Others get psychological problems during or during their life, such as depression, anxiety and stress. Or they may have grown up in a dysfunctional family, such as adult-child-of-alcoholics and find it difficult to find peace and to settle into the relationship and family. And if the family suffers from the infidelity, there is also the option of family therapy.
Q&A about adultery
Articles with practical answers about adultery
In the article series with answers about adultery, you can read more about:
- What is adultery?
- Why does adultery occur?
- What are the signs of adultery?
- What are the consequences of adultery?
- How is grief handled by e.g. infidelity?
- How to forgive adultery?
- What do the statistics say about adultery?
- What do catchphrases and quotes say about adultery?
- First aid guide for infidelity.
By Parterapi-parterapeut.dk
In every crisis and change there is a learning and an opportunity. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen and online, helps worldwide clients, couples, families, teams and managers to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
At Parterapi-parterapeut.dk you meet Kasper Larsen, mba. He is from 1966 and EAP/EAGT examined psychotherapist and certified couples therapist and sexologist. Kasper has over 30 years of experience and ongoing continuing education at Master’s level under the approval of the American Psychological Association.
He specializes in infidelity and, as something special, he has over 15 years of specialist experience in online therapy by telephone and thus runs a global online business in coaching and psychotherapy. He is fluent in Danish and English as well as German, French, Norwegian and Swedish.
Kasper Larsen has been self-employed since 2002. Before that, he was a top management consultant in the largest consulting houses. As a therapist, he has, among other things, work in social psychiatry and with professional alcohol treatment. For private individuals, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk offers, among other things, psychotherapy, imagotherapy, family therapy, couples therapy, sexology, access bars body processes and alcohol treatment. Supervision, coaching and courses are also offered for businesses.
Consultation in psychotherapy and couples therapy
You can read more about couple therapy at www.parterapi-partterapeut.dk .
Or book a consultation in psychotherapy, couples therapy and sexology on tel. 61661900 .
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Read more about couples therapy…
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Read more about adultery…
On the website you can read about infidelity and the three phases you must go through to get over the infidelity crisis safely:
Infidelity • Crisis • Stabilization • Development
Under other services, you can read more sexology , psychotherapy , image therapy , family therapy , access bars body processes and access bars body courses as well as stress, anxiety & depression , grief , alcohol and adult-child of alcoholics . In the menu you will also find more about e.g. supervision and coaching .
Blog with free tools, ebooks and articles about infidelity…
What are the signs of infidelity?
How does infidelity occur and is there even a formula for infidelity?
What are the six primary causes of infidelity?
The diagnosis and anatomy of adultery
The two main and three underlying factors of infidelity?
Should I say that I have committed adultery?
What are the consequences of adultery?
How to heal the pain after infidelity?
How to move forward together with couples therapy after infidelity
Free guide to getting over infidelity
Avoid infidelity and end the old relationship before a new one
Trust, confidence, mistrust and infidelity
Relationships, finances, lies and infidelity
Emotions and ditital infidelity
Addiction and digital infidelity
Kasper Larsen, mba
Examining psychotherapist with certification in couple therapy and specialty in adultery.
Certified coach specializing in mindset, paradigm shift, quantum leaps and turnarounds.
© Kasper Larsen, 2021. All rights reserved.