- Why does adultery occur?
- When does adultery occur?
- Feelings after infidelity
- Grief and anger after infidelity
- How to get over infidelity?
- How do we move on together after infidelity?
Article: Why does adultery actually occur?
Over 15 years of experience with couple therapy around infidelity
For over 15 years, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen has specialized in psychological clarification, prevention and treatment of infidelity in the form of couple therapy, imago therapy and sexological conversation therapy.
Through this experience, it turns out that infidelity always occurs due to a number of unique factors as well as their timing and special combination. It is thus individual why infidelity occurs and why couples seek couples therapy before, during or after infidelity.
However, the experience from couple therapy around infidelity also shows a number of pervasive factors for why infidelity occurs in the relationship and marriage. Typically also when infidelity occurs in the relationship and marriage.
Below and on the site for infidelity, you will find answers to questions about infidelity and how to deal with infidelity, as well as a number of free articles about infidelity and couples therapy. On the website, there is also a free relationship test as a reflection and dialogue tool.
You can also book a party check, where you can get professional support for the dialogue, an opinion on the matter and more tools. But immediately click here on infidelity or call 61661900 for couples therapy if the damage has been done. Remember it’s never too late. Neither to prevent infidelity nor to save the relationship and the family after infidelity.
Two main factors in adultery
The two most important factors for infidelity are 1) the emotional life and 2) the physical. This means that you are either at a loss and/or allow yourself to be emotionally and/or physically attracted to someone else, which can then develop into one or more forms of infidelity in the relationship and marriage.
However, it is rare that it is only about sexuality, but sex and, for example, sex addiction can also be a factor. The sex life does not always suffer until possibly. adultery, but after infidelity there is often a need for support in the form of sexological talk therapy.
Three underlying factors surrounding infidelity
Below, it is Parterapi-parterapeut.dk’s experience that there are often three factors surrounding infidelity that recur. Most couples who seek couple therapy for infidelity have experienced:
1) A lack of the parties feeling seen, heard and taken seriously.
2) Poor listening, dialogue, communication and problem solving.
3) That the parties have failed to regulate themselves and their needs in the community and/or that they have lost themselves in the relationship, marriage, family and children and have forgotten to live their own lives – but instead lived their lives through their partner or the relationship.
When does adultery occur?
Most couples are at greatest risk of infidelity after the first year. Then around the time the first child(ren) are born. Since then, infidelity often occurs around the seven-year crisis. Later, there is a risk of infidelity in connection with the midlife crisis, middle age and when the children leave the nest.
Two pervasive feelings of infidelity
Infidelity often occurs when one or both parties feel neglected, disregarded or let down and thus disappointed, hurt and angry. Either due to misunderstood considerations or due to poor communication skills, the parties do not get to talk about the situation and solve the problems. Instead, it may happen that the feelings are handled by infidelity. This also applies if there is either too much bickering and arguing or if the problems are swept under the carpet and the skeletons are hidden in the cupboards. Quarrels and quarrels have never given us what we want, in return it kills love and relationships.
Adultery and the relationship at 1st, 2nd or 3rd grade
There are few really good relationships and marriages, where everything just plays and is rosy. On the other hand, there are actually quite a few relationships and marriages that are completely miserable. In contrast, most relationships and marriages are in the middle – the mediocre. And that is the problem. This is where adultery most often occurs.
Fortunately, most relationships and marriages start off well, but the trip down happens automatically and unnoticed as everyday life takes over and you forget to actively cultivate love and the relationship. It’s about the hamster wheel and the autopilot and that you start to take each other for granted and thus get to put listening, dialogue, love, closeness, intimacy, sex life, relationship, friendship, relationship and marriage at the bottom of the to-do list. Love is not a feeling, but an action – and the relationship and marriage require a conscious and active effort if it is to survive and flourish. When there is no one at the helm of the relationship, the ship drifts off course.
Couples therapy partly helps you get through the infidelity and move on together, while couples therapy also supports you in development and prevention. If you are interested in living life in second or first class instead of third class, imago therapy is a good choice as soon as you are through the infidelity crisis or otherwise ready for it.
Grief treatment and grief therapy for infidelity
Infidelity is a crisis, a loss and a sorrow for the relationship and the marriage. Trust, forgiveness and reconciliation are an important part of couple therapy around infidelity, but many overlook the grief. Since grief is always relational and arises in connection with our relationships, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen specializes in grief, grief due to infidelity and grief due to loss and death in the relationship and the family. Another side of grief is anxiety – the anxiety of losing (separation anxiety). Therefore, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk also supports regaining security and attachment, as well as overcoming possible attachment problems and attachment trauma. Read more about grief management and grief therapy on the website.
Divorce
Approx. 50% of all couples who do not take care of their relationship and marriage separate and divorce after two years. Alcohol problems in the relationship, challenges with partners who grew up in families with alcohol and infidelity are the biggest risks for divorce. However, infidelity does not necessarily mean divorce, but infidelity is like a subway and a matter of development or settlement. If you want settlement, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen offers farewell therapy and divorce therapy, so that you can clean up, shut down and get divorced in an appropriate way.
Q&A about adultery
Articles with practical answers about adultery
In the article series with answers about adultery, you can read more about:
- What is adultery?
- Why does adultery occur?
- What are the signs of adultery?
- What are the consequences of adultery?
- How is grief handled by e.g. infidelity?
- How to forgive adultery?
- What do the statistics say about adultery?
- What do catchphrases and quotes say about adultery?
- First aid guide for infidelity.
By Parterapi-parterapeut.dk
In every crisis and change there is a learning and an opportunity. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen and online, helps worldwide clients, couples, families, teams and managers to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
At Parterapi-parterapeut.dk you meet Kasper Larsen, mba. He is from 1966 and EAP/EAGT examined psychotherapist and certified couples therapist and sexologist. Kasper has over 30 years of experience and ongoing continuing education at Master’s level under the approval of the American Psychological Association.
He specializes in infidelity and, as something special, he has over 15 years of specialist experience in online therapy by telephone and thus runs a global online business in coaching and psychotherapy. He is fluent in Danish and English as well as German, French, Norwegian and Swedish.
Kasper Larsen has been self-employed since 2002. Before that, he was a top management consultant in the largest consulting houses. As a therapist, he has, among other things, work in social psychiatry and with professional alcohol treatment. For private individuals, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk offers, among other things, psychotherapy, imagotherapy, family therapy, couples therapy, sexology, access bars body processes and alcohol treatment. Supervision, coaching and courses are also offered for businesses.
Consultation in psychotherapy and couples therapy
You can read more about couple therapy at www.parterapi-partterapeut.dk .
Or book a consultation in psychotherapy, couples therapy and sexology on tel. 61661900 .
Tips for the relationship and love
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Read more about couples therapy…
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On the website you can read about infidelity and the three phases you must go through to get over the infidelity crisis safely:
Infidelity • Crisis • Stabilization • Development
Under other services, you can read more sexology , psychotherapy , image therapy , family therapy , access bars body processes and access bars body courses as well as stress, anxiety & depression , grief , alcohol and adult-child of alcoholics . In the menu you will also find more about e.g. supervision and coaching .
Blog with free tools, ebooks and articles about infidelity…
What are the signs of infidelity?
How does infidelity occur and is there even a formula for infidelity?
What are the six primary causes of infidelity?
The diagnosis and anatomy of adultery
The two main and three underlying factors of infidelity?
Should I say that I have committed adultery?
What are the consequences of adultery?
How to heal the pain after infidelity?
How to move forward together with couples therapy after infidelity
Free guide to getting over infidelity
Avoid infidelity and end the old relationship before a new one
Trust, confidence, mistrust and infidelity
Relationships, finances, lies and infidelity
Emotions and ditital infidelity
Addiction and digital infidelity
Kasper Larsen, mba
Examining psychotherapist with certification in couple therapy and specialty in adultery.
Certified coach specializing in mindset, paradigm shift, quantum leaps and turnarounds.
© Kasper Larsen, 2021. All rights reserved.