- About technology addiction
- Addiction to social media, online dating, internet pornography, chat, email and texting
- Chat addiction and infidelity
Article: Addiction to chat, cyberspace and digital infidelity
This is an article in a smaller series of articles about the internet, infidelity and technology addiction, etc. See also Emotions in cyberspace and Organized infidelity in cyberspace.
Questions and answers about adultery
This is an article in the series of answers about infidelity.
At the bottom of the page you will find links to the other articles in the series.
You are welcome to print, bookmark, email and share this article.
Also see the blog and website for press, press kit and press info .
Are you seeking couples therapy for infidelity?
If you have questions and concerns about digital infidelity and chat addiction, there is probably a reason for it. It can be a good occasion to stop, take stock and reflect on the relationship. Read more below, on the blog and website. There is also a free relationship test here. Or book a single consultation, like a party check, and get an overview of the matter. But stop the accident and immediately click on infidelity or call 61661900 for couples therapy if the damage has been done. Remember that it is never too late to prevent or save the relationship and the family after infidelity.
Can you become addicted to social media, online dating, internet pornography and chat?
Yes, according to the press. Politikken on 20080102: “Dependent on online flirting 14 hours a day”, Ekstrabladet on 20060416:
“I’m addicted to online dating”, Computerworld on 20090313: “250,000 Danes are technology-addicted”, Denkermedia on 20090219: “Obsessed with the internet – about chat, cybersex, dating, daytrading”, Politikken on 20130302: “Often use the lunch break to chat and find a partner he can have sex with after work”, Politikken on 20020114: “300,000 Danes regularly watch porn online”, Information on 20110730: “More people are becoming addicted to porn”, BT on 20120330: “More and more Danes seeking professional help to overcome their addiction to Internet porn”. To simply take some of the hits that first come up in a google search.
What is your experience as a couples therapist?
In my practice, as a couples therapist, I often find that people through couples therapy report that they spend more and more time on electronic media, that it takes time away from the relationship and real life (Real Life), that it creates challenges in relation to contact , exchange and cohesion and that it goes beyond communication, love and sex life. For some, it also removes energy and focus from the partner and the interaction with the partner. In this connection, many clients in couples therapy report disappointment, emptiness and distance. In the worst case, it can lead to separate living, infidelity and addiction.
What is your experience as a couples therapist?
In my practice, as a couples therapist, I often find that people through couples therapy report that they spend more and more time on electronic media, that it takes time away from the relationship and real life (Real Life), that it creates challenges in relation to contact , exchange and cohesion and that it goes beyond communication, love and sex life. For some, it also removes energy and focus from the partner and the interaction with the partner. In this connection, many clients in couples therapy report disappointment, emptiness and distance. In the worst case, it can lead to separate living, infidelity and addiction.
Advantages and disadvantages of the electronic media
It has become easier to get stimulation via the electronic media and easier to live separate lives with less direct dialogue and activity. Conversely, however, the internet can also be a great inspiration for the relationship and sex life, as well as a help to fantasize, experiment and find yourself sexually. However, it can also be done without the internet and together with the partner – possibly supported with couples therapy. In couple therapy, both parties are supported in balancing the focus on themselves, the partner and the relationship, as well as being in and with the various processes without losing themselves in the contact and the relationship or changing each other.
Addiction, co-dependency and couples therapy
Like many other things, e.g. hashish, alcohol, sugar, gambling, etc., use of Facebook, online dating, chat and internet pornography can develop into addiction. It not only affects the relationship, but also the special patterns that can then arise in the relationship. These patterns are also called dependency and co-dependency.
The interaction in the relationship between the addict and co-addict creates feelings, dynamics and taboos that are very difficult for the couple themselves to feel, see through and sort out. It can lead to destructive thoughts, feelings, behavior and habits such as jealousy, anger, grudges, arguments, silence, flirting, sidestepping, infidelity, retaliation and revenge.
Unconscious manipulation and self-reinforcing patterns can also occur, incl. unproven roles such as overdog/underdog, victim/violator, helper/helpless and stupid/bewitching. This often requires a couples therapist with experience in relationship work as well as addiction and abuse issues.
Some are not content with just using the web to get in touch with a potential lover, but linger and develop an addiction to the constant possibility of contact, flirting, recognition and excitement. Through this, many experience positive attention and confirmation that they are not used to in real life or a relationship that may have died in it.
The positive experiences affect the hormones and the brain’s reward center in the same way as other forms of abuse – whether it is psychological or of a substance such as alcohol. Flirting, the small chat messages, electronic letters and new contacts suddenly become very important for the ego and self-confidence as well as the daily mood and well-being. It will therefore be difficult to escape again.
It can develop from a mild degree of addiction to requiring treatment. As below, the professional areas thus intersect in the field between relational (couple therapy) and personal work as well as addiction treatment.
Love addicts and love junkies
Some fall in love faster than others and the atmosphere, expectations and projections can quickly build up through online dating. Some experience fascination and infatuation already from the other’s profile and correspondence. Others get/create an enhanced feeling of falling in love already when it meets in real life. During these flirtations and crushes, as above, a lot of hormones are released that make life a party. It can also be addictive and addictive.
It makes some go from falling in love to falling in love – it is also called love addiction. For others who are part of a permanent relationship, everyday life can quickly feel gray and sad when falling in love wears off and at the same time you can’t just jump on to a new flirtation and falling in love. In couple therapy, the couple gets, among other things, help to stay in the relationship, deal with everyday life and find the spark again. You can read more about this in the article Love, love, relationships and couple therapy on this blog.
The online dater
For example, online dating starts with writing with one or two people. But the kick of receiving the friendly and possibly challenging letters make the dater expand the circle. Thus, some suddenly correspond with up to 20 people at a time. They risk ending up in an extremely time-consuming spiral. Some even have overviews hanging in front of them, where they make statistics and patterns of all those they correspond with, in order to maintain an overview. Others have to use the working hours and the night to be able to answer them all.
At the same time, curiosity and the urge to just log in and see if there have been replies or if new contacts have written are growing. It gives a kick to be seen and heard. This excitement as well as newness and freshness can become addictive, along the lines of gambling addiction. It can be ok to a certain extent, but the challenge is when it becomes limiting and painful in everyday life or goes beyond existing relationships, friendships, relationships and work.
If addiction has arisen, I help as a couples therapist and primarily treat the individual client in getting out of the addictive behaviour. If the addict is in a relationship, the treatment will be part of couples therapy, where the codependency patterns are worked on at the same time.
From online dating to relationships
Online dating can be fun while it lasts. The goal was most often to find a girlfriend, but some get caught in the spiral and get stuck in chat, flirting and dates. The large contact surface and the many options create for some an environment reminiscent of a narcissistic supermarket or meat market, where they present themselves in the best light and develop demanding shopping lists for criteria with the future partner.
It can develop into perfectionism and an unrealistically high expectation pressure – which can continue well into the relationship. As a couples therapist, I help individual clients get out of online dating, past relationships, find themselves, navigate the dating process and get into the next relationship.
The many possibilities and contacts create both uncertainty and ambivalence, which for some in itself makes it impossible to find a partner. Partly because it will be the search for the perfect and partly because it will be difficult to choose.
When do you know, for example, that it is the right partner that you have found or whether an even better partner will contact you in a little while? How should one choose between the two or three that have now come to fruition? And how easy is it to say no to those you want to opt out of? Many, however, find the one and only via their online dating, but may not want to let go of correspondence with old contacts or may want to continue as friends. This often creates uncertainty and jealousy in the relationship.
What are the possibilities within couples therapy?
Through individual therapy and couples therapy, you and the relationship can get help with prevention, clarification and problem solving. If the relationship has already been damaged, you can get help to fix it again through couples therapy. Couples therapy can primarily help with insight and awareness, open and honest dialogue and building trust. Next, couples therapy can help with practical problem solving. Along the way, couples therapy can also help clarify values, align expectations, manage differences and share vision and goals in the relationship.
What now?
If the damage has occurred, the same applies as usual. first aid:
Stop the accident – First aid – Get treatment.
Q&A about adultery
Articles with practical answers about adultery
In the article series with answers about adultery, you can read more about:
- What is adultery?
- Why does adultery occur?
- What are the signs of adultery?
- What are the consequences of adultery?
- How is grief handled by e.g. infidelity?
- How to forgive adultery?
- What do the statistics say about adultery?
- What do catchphrases and quotes say about adultery?
- First aid guide for infidelity.
By Parterapi-parterapeut.dk
In every crisis and change there is a learning and an opportunity. Parterapi-parterapeut.dk in Copenhagen and online, helps worldwide clients, couples, families, teams and managers to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.
At Parterapi-parterapeut.dk you meet Kasper Larsen, mba. He is from 1966 and EAP/EAGT examined psychotherapist and certified couples therapist and sexologist. Kasper has over 30 years of experience and ongoing continuing education at Master’s level under the approval of the American Psychological Association.
He specializes in infidelity and, as something special, he has over 15 years of specialist experience in online therapy by telephone and thus runs a global online business in coaching and psychotherapy. He is fluent in Danish and English as well as German, French, Norwegian and Swedish.
Kasper Larsen has been self-employed since 2002. Before that, he was a top management consultant in the largest consulting houses. As a therapist, he has, among other things, work in social psychiatry and with professional alcohol treatment. For private individuals, Parterapi-parterapeut.dk offers, among other things, psychotherapy, imagotherapy, family therapy, couples therapy, sexology, access bars body processes and alcohol treatment. Supervision, coaching and courses are also offered for businesses.
Consultation in psychotherapy and couples therapy
You can read more about couple therapy at www.parterapi-partterapeut.dk .
Or book a consultation in psychotherapy, couples therapy and sexology on tel. 61661900 .
Tips for the relationship and love
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Read more about couples therapy…
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therapist
Read more about adultery…
On the website you can read about infidelity and the three phases you must go through to get over the infidelity crisis safely:
Infidelity • Crisis • Stabilization • Development
Under other services, you can read more sexology , psychotherapy , image therapy , family therapy , access bars body processes and access bars body courses as well as stress, anxiety & depression , grief , alcohol and adult-child of alcoholics . In the menu you will also find more about e.g. supervision and coaching .
Blog with free tools, ebooks and articles about infidelity…
What are the signs of infidelity?
How does infidelity occur and is there even a formula for infidelity?
What are the six primary causes of infidelity?
The diagnosis and anatomy of adultery
The two main and three underlying factors of infidelity?
Should I say that I have committed adultery?
What are the consequences of adultery?
How to heal the pain after infidelity?
How to move forward together with couples therapy after infidelity
Free guide to getting over infidelity
Avoid infidelity and end the old relationship before a new one
Trust, confidence, mistrust and infidelity
Relationships, finances, lies and infidelity
Emotions and ditital infidelity
Addiction and digital infidelity
Kasper Larsen, mba
Examining psychotherapist with certification in couple therapy and specialty in adultery.
Certified coach specializing in mindset, paradigm shift, quantum leaps and turnarounds.
© Kasper Larsen, 2021. All rights reserved.